God of this City - Chris Tomlin

uus visioon

Grace konverents 2008 oli nii ülestõstev ! See oli julgustav!

Kõige suurem asi millest aru sain, on taaskord seesama asi, millest on vb küll nii palju leierdatud, aga mis on niiii tõsi. Ajad on otsakorral. Kuri on läinud kurjemaks!! seda tunneb iga kristlane, kes kogev vaimusfääri. Kui kunagi oli ni et "asja ajas korda" see kui sa läksid Jumala ette ja ülistasid südamega ja nii..siis nüüd peab ülistusse astudes hakkama läbi suruma ja läbi murdma, enne kui Jumala ligiolu jõuliselt ja imeliselt tunda. Samas nagu öeldakse, siis püha lähbe pühamaks ja mida ma ise isiklikult olen näinud ja aru saanud on see, et see tähendab et praegu on Jumala arm eriti suur! Jumal on küll konkreetne ja kui sa tuled tagasi Tema juurde...siis sa pead oma vana elu panema 100% maha, ilma kompromissideta, kuid Jumala arm on meeletu!! Ta kutsub praegu neid Tema lapsi, kes on eemale läinud, kes on ära läinud Tema juurest...nn kadunud poegi. Jumal kutsub OMA RAHVAST!!! Sest sellest on aru saada, et kui inimene süttib tulele, eriti veel kui ta on kord kogenud seda kõike, siis see on enneolematu tänutunne...see vabadus mille Jumal toob.

 Ka ma ise kogesin just meeletut vabanemist teatud valdkonnaga, mis sidus mind aastaid ja aastaid. Ma proovisin ja proovisin sellest vabaneda...ja hüüdsid Jumala poole appi..ent siiski ma läksin tagasi ja tagasi selle ahvatluse juurde...kuni lõpuks ma sain aru et sai on selles et mul ei ole tahet. ma ei taha selles loobuda ning kui ma sellele järeldusele jõudsin, siis tulin ma uue hoiakuga Jumala ette ja ütlesin et Jumal, ma ei hakka sind petma ja ennast petma...ma ei taha sellest loobuda, sest kui ma tahaks, siis ma jätaksin selle kOHE...aga ma tahan tahta!!! ja ma tean et see on ainult Sinul võimalik!!!...nii et vabasta mind! ja Jumal tegi seda, üle öö!! point on selles..et sa tead kui sa teed midagi valesti, sa tead seda kui sa pead mingi asja enda elus korda ajama...aja.. ÄRA LÜKKA SEDA TUNNET ÄRA...Püha Vaimu kes su sees ütleb et pane see maha ja loobu sellest...tule Ta juurde tagasi...ja just 100% oma südamega...100% oma tegemistega...et sa kuuluksid 100% Talle!!!

Ühesõnaga..Jumala rahvas, kes on tulised , kes põlevad..on need kes nakatavad inimesi enda ümber ka tulele!! Leigus on kohutav!!! ma saan sellest rohkem ja rohkem ja rohkem aru kui kohutav asi on olla leige kristlane..kui õudne see Jumala silmis on!! see on enesepettus!!!! see on Jumala petmine.. NAGU MISMÕTTES,.mis saab olla rohkem olulisem kui Jumal.. kui Jumalaga aega veetmine..kui Jumala teenimine..mis saab olla veel põnevam!! ei olegi!! ja ei ole midagi olulisemat kui Jumalale elamine!! nii et ma julgustan sind...aja oma asjad korda Jumalaga!!! saa kaasatud Tema plaani..

ja üks asi veel mis Jumal see nv mulle avas...on uue generatsiooni kohta,...Piiblis räägib uuest generatsioonis, uuest põlvkonnast kes lõpuaegadel esile kerkib ja üles tõuseb...mis sa arvad kes need on...NEED VÕIME OLLA MEIE kui me pühendame ennast 100% Jumalale...ja Tema teenimisele ja Tema plaanile!!! Uus generatsioon on meie...kes me tõuseme üles ja õhutame üksteist lõkkele ja tulele Jumalast..ja laseme Jumalal ennast juhtida ning toitume Jumala sõnast ja käime Jumala väes ja armus!!! kas see pole mitte IMELINE ja VÄGEV!!! 

nii et mu uus visioon on hakata tegema kõik endast olenev et märgata potensiaalseid kristlasi..kes on valmis panema maha oma mugavuse ja laiskuse..oma leiguse ja oma elu..TÄIELIKULT...ilma kompromissideta..Jumala ette!!! et tõuseks üles rahvas,,kes ELAKS JUMALALE ja ei toituks labastest naljadest ja nõmedatest kommentaaridest ja tühisest jutust ja mullist...vaid tugevast Jumala sõnast ning oleks Jumalast kasutatud ja juhitud!!

muidugi selle poole peab kasvama...aga see on otsus mis ma teen..kogu südamega!!!

kuulake laulu Chris Tomlin- God of This City...see puudutas nind väga!

ma olen leidnud oma eesmärgi

Ma saan nüüd aru, miks viimaste kuude jooksul on asjad kujunenud antud viisil. Jumal on mind vabastanud erinevatest köidikutest, "sõltuvustest" jne...ja nüüd on ka eesmärk kust siit edasi minna. 

Ma alustan tydrukute grupiga. Laupäeval on eismene kord. See mõte tuli mulle südamesse (ja ma tean et see oli Jumalast)...pärast Taani kooli juba kuid polnud õige aeg veel. Talvel ning kevadel..olid 2 hetke kus ma mõtlesin et NÜÜÜD alustame..siiski polnud õige aeg veel. ja nüüd on siis suvi möödas, mille käigus Jumal tegi selle töö mis pidi saama tehtud ..ja siin ma olen. ja esimene tydrukute grupp (edaspidi GD) toimub laupäeval.

Daniel ytles nii hästi...kordas Apostel Pauluse sõnu (1 Ko'st)..et me ei peaks kartma kannatusi! me ei peaks nendest põgenema ja nendest iga hinna eest otsima väljapääsu ... mida ma peaksime tegema on  see, et peaksime otsima PÕHJUST miks need asjad sünnivad me eludes. 

Ma arvan end teadvad, miks antud asjad sünnivad mu elus, ent siiski..otsin ma Jumala kätt! ja kuidas iganes asjad ka ei peaks lõppema ning kuidas välja kujunema, ma tean et Jumal on see keda ma tahan (ainult!!)...ning Teda teenida. GD on see viis kuidas ma san ennast pühendada täielikult J'le, Tema plaanile ning inmeste ja J'a teenimisele!!! ma ei jõua ära oodata!!

Kui sulle meelde tuleb, sa võid teha lühikese palve mu eest...selles elu-etapis kus ma olen..alati armastada kõiges ja kõigega Jumalat!!! :)

mul sai see ühtäkki nii selgeks...et tõepoolest me oleme kõik mingil eesmärgil siin maapeal. ja kui see eesmärk on täidetud, on meie aeg  minna...ja kui ei ole täidetud ja me lahkume siit maapealt enne...jääb see ka meie vastutada. mis tähendab seda et me peame aega väärtustama. me peame inimesi väärtustama enda ümber. jah see on leierdatud lause jne...a mõtle...inimene keda sa eales ei ootaks et lahkub siit maa pealt.., surem...teda ei ole enam ja see võib ootamatult juhtuda. täna hommikul lahkus meie seast meie paljude sõbranna ema, naine kes kiirgas Jumala armastusest...see juhtus meile kõigile nii ootamatult. 

ma olen palju mõelnud viimasel ajal selle üle kuidas ma käitun ja räägin..eriti nendega kes on mulle kõige lähedasemad. ja ma kommenteeriks seda nii et ma teadvustan endale oma probleeme ja vigu ja ma näen, kus ma sajaga mööda panen...kuid ma ise ei suudagi enda nahas elada. see on see kui võtame iseenesestmõistetavalt inimesi kes on meie ümber. ka mu venna elu vaadata ja olukorda arvestades...tuleb nii esile just see kui ettearvamatu kõik on. nagu varemgi ühte blog'i kirjutasin..kuidas inimesed kes nimetasid danielit enda parimaks sõbraks v kalliks sõbraks jne...neid enam ei ole ta kõrval..nüüd kus daniel vajaks neid just kõige rohkem-nende abi võimlemisel ja trenni tegemisel jne...pole enam kedagi platsis rääkis kui hea sõber daniel on. v isegi..on rääkimas..a mitte midagi tegemas. point on selles et samas inimesed kellelt eales ei oleks ühte v teist arvanud oodata, on ühtäkki platsis!! olukorrad ja elu õleüldse on nii ettearvamatu. ma peaks igat oma sõna kontrollima ja läbi seedima ja mõtlema..enne kui seda ytlen. tarkus on enne mõelda ja siis öelda, kui seda siis enam üldse tarvilikuks pean! 

Piiblis on kirjutatud "õpeta mind tegema Sinu meelt mööda, sest Sa oled mu Jumal! Sinu hea Vaim juhatagu mind tasasel maal!"..üks asi mis ma veel olen aru saanud. jah ma soovin küigest väest muutuda ja kasvada ning ennast korrigeerida ja taltsutada...kuid siiski üht ma mõistan. .. Kõik taandub Jumalale!!!!!!- Tema abile, Tema toele, Tema õpetusele, Tema Vaimu tööle...Tema ARMULE!!'

Au Jumalale! Olgu Ta mulle armuline!

i miss Him

i go to work i come from work- i go to work i come from work        etc etc etc etc etc . i miss Him (God that is). to spend some real good quality time with Him! yet i feel and know that every day, every minute He is with me. at work, wow He has helped me so much with serving others etc. but now i just feel that i wanna give him something aswell...like MY  FULL   ATTENTION!  *sigh*

i was just thinking yesterday evening when i was falling asleep (after just coming from work)...what does Jesus say about us showing Him that we love Him- when we keep His commands!!! (1 John 5:9)

My good friend Alex said to me the last time he was in estonia .,.that God was really smart "writing" that command- love your neighbor as yourself :) because it kinda brings together all the rest. well the first command of all is to love God with all of your heart soul mind and strenght (Jews called it shema and said it out loud every time they got together to study dcripture etc) but the law about loving your neighbor as yourself...it combines the other laws.- if you love your neighbod you dont kill them, you dont steal from them you dont want their wife or their car but u are happy for them that they have these things...you dont say bad things about them if u love em, you want the best for them and you can continue thinking about all those things that you wouldnt do..(that the Bible tells u not to do(- for your own good)). 

oh i have a LONG way to go to reach that point but at least i know where i wanna go and where im aiming. ill count on God to change me and let me grow in that subject aswell. 

ps. thanks Alex

God is amazing!!! i love Him!

"seksikaim kaastundeng 2008" / "the sexiest fellow-student 2008"

i come from work on thursday and go straight to bed, right (2am or what it was)..so in the morning i check my email b4 i go to work again and what do i see?! an email has come in (on thursday night) from my faculty's secretary (in my university in tartu) telling me that i have been  nominated to be "the sexiest fellow-student 2008"- that i have a gift and diploma waiting for me in uni that id come and pick it up!! WHAT?!?!?! :D

...we had this internet enquiry in our faculty (its huge)...and we had to write who do we think is the most social teacher, best and worst teacher, funniest fellow-student etc..and well one of them was also- sexiest fellow-student...AND THATS ME NOW!!! so ...i gotta say im so proud to have the title:D...and im planning to KEEP IT! :D

*hurray* :D

Ärkamine Floridas (Revival in Florida)

mul ei ole praegu aega lahti seletada mida see kõik on minu elus teinud, ainuüksi selle vaatamisest ning läbi arvuti PVga puudutatud saamisest, kuid kui sa loed seda, mine neti site'le: www.god.tv

 seal on otseülekanne

kui tihti sa aitad inimest, keda sa ei tunne ja ei tea. Oled sa kunagi läinud inimese juurde bussis kes haiseb kuse ja alkoholi järgi ning küsinud kas neil on süüa, ööbimist, kas nad vajavad midagi. Kas sa oled kunagi mõelnud minna mehe juurde kes on tänaval, kellel on läbi pekstud nägu. oled sa seda ka teinud?

oled sa kristlane?

miks ma seda küsin on selle jutu pärast, mida Jeesus rääkis. 

Mees tuli Jeruusalemmast ja tänava peal peksti ta läbi, võeti talt kõik..isegi riided ning jäeti siis poolsurnuna, paljana keset tänavat. siis tuli preester sedateed pidi ja nägi küll meest, kuid läks teisele poole tänavat ning tegi näo nagu ei näeks midagi...sama ka leviit (kes olid ka preestrid) ..ja ta tegi sama...tegi näo et ei näinud ega kuulnud midagi. ja tuli samaarlane, kes oli nn mittekristlane e. ta ei uskunud Jumalasse. Sellel ajal olid nad kõige paganamad kodanikud, ebajumalateenistused ja kes teab mida veel. ja samaarlane nägi meest maas, läks ta juurde ning aitas teda. mitte lihtsalt ei aidanud istulike ja ei kutsinud abi vaid osutas ise abi. sidus ta haavad, puhastas need, võttis taoma KOJU, hoolitses ta eest seal, toitis teda ning järgmine päev saatis teele. 

ma ei ütle nüüd kellegi pihta kedagi , aga ma olen seda otseselt näinud, kuidas inimesed ütlevad niiiiii suure suuga et on sõbrad, et hoolivad, et armastavad ...ja siis kui neid oleks KÕIGE ROHKEM VAJA:..pole kedagi olla. 

nii et ma panin oma msn nimeks : inimesed on nii pinnapealsed ja kahepalgelised, see ajab oksele! kui aus olla, ajab see rohkem närvi. kui ma vaatan, kuid inimesed selekteerivad inimesi teatud omaduste järgi ning moodustavad nii oma seltskonnas, sõprusringkonnad. jutt mida suust välja aetakse on NIIIII PINNAPEALNE, inimestel puudub igasugune sügavus, vähemalt see ei peegeldu neist välja. mida süda täis, sellest aga räägib suu. 

me KÕIK vajame ÜKSTEIST!!!

APPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIII....kui kohutav see maailm lihtsalt on. kui kohutavaks on inimesed muutunud. kuulsin just et mingid noored kusesid õlu purki ja andsid alkohoolikule juua. 

PALUN HOOLIGE ROHKEM! mÄRGAKE INIMESI ENDA ÜMBER! OLGE TOEKS! 

kui sa oled kristlane, siis ERINE sellest maailmas...ja mitte lihtsalt sellep millesse sa usud,.vaid erine MÄRKIMISVÄÄRSELT-- et seda ei saaks mitte tähele panna, et selles ei tekiks kahtlust, et see paistaks välja! ja RÕÕMUSÕNUM ongi see et meil on Jumal, meil on Jeesus, kes võimaldas meile selle hoolimise. meie südameid pehmendada, meid õpetada hoolima, kui me seda tahame, kes andis meile andkes meie patud, meie tegematajätmised ning mööda vaatamised, kes on meile toeks, lohutuseks, õpetajaks, suunajaks ning teeks! see samaarlase lugu lõppeb sellega et kirjatundja, kes Jeesuse juurde tuli, küsides et kes on mu ligimene (millele Jeesus siis vastas selle looga, /.../ (Lk 10:25.37) 

s 36 Jeesus: "Kes neist kolmest oli sinu arvates ligimene sellele, kes oli sattunud röövlite kätte?"

s 37 aga kirjatundja ütles: "see kes tema peale halastas!" Siis ütles Jeesus temale: "Mine ja tee sina nõndasamuti!"

ja lõpetuseks,,see kõik käib ka minu kohta. ega ma ei ole sellest puhas  vaid ma pean ise täpselt sama palju õppima...

what happens when there is no more air to breath

see ive said numerous times that still, sometimes, i forget to breathe. yes, it has many meanings but i forgot the one other option..what happens when there is no more air to breath?! the effects will be quite the same..its just that i wont have the control anymore. its out of my hands. and no matter how much i want to breath, how much i miss it and long for it, how important that is or how much it means for me or the other..i wont be able to!!!

Sometimes i feel that the only thing still keeping me sane is the fear of one day finding myself being insane. 

oh God, where do i find air in those days.

sulle ei meeldi tööd teha ??

Tööst rõõmu tundmine.

"Issand käsib seda õnnistust olla sinuga su aitades ja kõiges mille külge sa oma käe paned" 5 Moosese 28:8

Õnn tähendab muu seas ka endaga rahul olemist. Enesega rahulolu omakorda rajaneb Su suhtele ja saavutustele. Kui Su annid ja võimed on lõpuni arendatud ja elutöö kaudu ära kasutatud, muutud enesekindlamaksja tugevamaks. Toon järgnevalt välja 7 võtit tööga rahul olemiseks.

1. Näe töös Jumala andi ,mitte karistust. "Seegi on Jumala and, kui Jumal annab mõnele inimesele rikkust ja vara ning lubab tal seda nautida, sellest oma osa võtta ja rõõmus olla oma vaeva viljast." (Kg 5:18)

2. Mõista, et Su tegelik "tööandja" on Jumal. "..teenides heal meelel otsekui Issandat ja mitte nagu inimesi, teades, et igaüks, kui ta on teinud midagi head, saab selle eest tasu Issanda  käest.." (Ef 6:7-8)

3. Otsi töö, mis sobib Su andidega. "..kui keegi teenib, siis teenigu nagu selle jõuga, mille Jumal annab, nõnda et Jumal saaks kõigiti austust.." (1Pe 4:11)

4. Õpi oma töö kohta selgeks kõik, mis võimalik. "..kes tark on, see kuuleb seda ja võtab veelgi enam õpetust; kes aru saab, see omandab oskuse.." (Õp 1:5)

5. Kasuta kriitikat enda kasuks. Üane see enda kasuks tööle, küsi teiste arvamust ja palu neil end korrigeerida. "Vaesus jahäbi on sellel, kes ei hooli õpetusest, aga kes noomimist tähele paneb, seda austatakse." (Õp 13:18)

6. Tee rohkem, kui Sinult oodatakse. "Ja kui keegi sunnib sind käima ühe miili, mine temaga kaks!" (Mt 5:41)

7. Tee Jeesusest oma töökaaslane. Pea Kristust meeles kogu päeva, kui ustavalt oma kohust täidad. "Kindlameelsele sa hoiad rahu, rahu, sest ta loodab Sinu peale." (Js 26:3) 

(Sõna Tänaseks Päevaks)

a CRITICAL THINKING

I've been telling Daniel (my brother) that he is way too critical. I've told him that you know in the end of the day, you should think of the positive things, and be thankful cos life is hard enough and thinking about it all , it wont do any good to this fragile persons that we are and so, we should concentrate on the positive stuff. i don't positive stuff like a new car that you saw in a TVshow- if that what keeps you going, you need to reorganise your priorities in life. but that's what Daniel was saying..that that's what people do. they see these idealistic things or situations or lifestyles in the media, in TV, movies etc etc and that changes their perspectives. and their new ideas and understandings of life, of 'living', its not real anymore. the situations, even hard situations in media..they are SO different from the ones in real life. i mean even the TV show- doctor house- i mean the doctor is like an old,bad pickle and they solve these mystical illnesses and diseases and yet every time the show has a happy ending. so Daniel was saying that the more we watch TV or movies or play computer games, the more we are influenced by the reality that is not even real. but it starts controlling our lives and our thoughts.
Daniel has been telling me that ppl need to think more critical...have a more critical view over life. i haven't agreed so far..but today, after our conversation, i told him that i don't watch TV (and i have been wanting to stay away from it on the weekends as well, when i come home, and i always tell the boys to turn it off or watch smth that educates,,) anyway,and I'm definitely not watching movies half as much as i used to..if at all (just occasionally something)...and even computer...i want to spent less and less time behind my beautiful mac as well...just because i want to spend more time with God...and THAT is a CRITICAL THINKING (that's what Dann said)!!! and that's when i agreed that critical thinking is SO needed in nowadays society and every person should put more effort in it. you know where when and how exactly YOU should do it...so get right on it! and may God give you wisdom while doing it!
- we are called to life different-

We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are!! /Anais Nin

an UPDATE..just bits and peaces of what im thinking and feeling

hey..well..its been great i can say, things are finally getting better with God...that is that i feel the clouds are moving away and the sun is startung to shine again. i love it. that i feel the passion and i want to read the bible, that i wanna be with God and pry and spend time with Him. (who havent talked to me..what im talking about is that ive had a very difficult time in my life..like a desert period ..and not just only..it was just freaking hard..anyway but thansks to the grace and the mercy of God, it is finally going away!!)
there are challanges..all the time..but all i can do is to live one day at the time and constantly pray, i csnt go thropugh those difficulties without God, thats for sure. i need Him in every way, in every area in my life, ,in every decision imake..i need to know that im doing everything with God..jut because i wanna do everything with God,,ahh i love Him so much and i just cant understand how can He love me so much..but im sooo thankful to Him for that!

yesterday Spring started officially!!! the night was light! the moon was shining so bright that it woke me up! so beautiful..and today the sun is shining and the spring is in the air!it is amazing!makes me smile:)

well i can say i have peace in my heart right now. i mean not just right now but overall...just because ive realised that worrying wont do anything..and literally WONT DO anything....praying about it and then trusting God ..well that does EVERYTHING!!:) so im in peace,,even tho things are happpening that are shaking the ground underneath me,,but i have God who is as strong and steady as a mountain!! well He is the creator or the universe (H). makes me so proud to be His daughter

a good day..

yes today has been wonderful..tho i must say...ive been eating too much sweets lately..have to cut off littlebit in that area..anyway..emn..well iw atched step up 2 on a DVD...i love that movie. then..i ..mm...pissed daniel off...with my 'ewww's and 'whattevaaa's and 'nagu,...ää..eiiii's :d.. see i know he hates it when i do that..speak like that...its so gay:D...and well thats why i do it..daah..anyway..had lots of fun with that. i wore the I (L) NY that i recently got :P and mm..smelled like cherry blossom..:D...cos of the lotions i recently got and my hair feels super soft cos of the shampoo and conditioner i recently got:P no, no occasion..except that im just so special and irresistable to give gifts to..so go ahead..dont be modest..ill gladly accept all of ur gifts

man i have to learn how to stop with my 'jokes'. see cos its quite late, my jokes get a new dimension, a new meaning...and well..i think most of the ppl dont understand any of it:D...at least i amuse myself, right?! :) ahh whatever..

please dont read that blog..its stupid (ojj,,i should've written it in the beginning...)

adios amigos, im outta here

Today's scripture- Romans 7(:7-13, 14-25)

7 What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet." 8 But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9 Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10 I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death. 11 For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12 So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13 Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

music (and my memories :D )

before we start..i have to say..if you havent heard the songs..i recommend you to listen to them (in youtube for ex.) while reading about them!!!

hey, you know how sometimes you hear a very old song...or not even that old..but you havent listened to it for some time..and when you hear it..ALL THESE MEMORIES come up!!!:) sweeeet... like for example nelly furtado- all good things. i remember sitting in the car, coming back from this island in denmark,, with some awesome ppl from CIMC (the school i went to in denmark)..it was evening,..we had been sitting in the car for some time, out butt's hurt like non other and this song came from the radio..i LOVED IT...so i remember during these 2 more hours we had to sit in the car the song played in the radio so many times..and every times i was so thrilled and i loved it.. thats the first sime i heard it..but now, every time i listen to it, i remember denmark and spring. man i miss it. i remember my walks, alone, with my thoughts. they were awesome. not just thoughts..usually i went out to pray after church. the sun was still out, it was nice and warm yet quite cold breeze...but it was 100% SPRING!!! in denamrk! oh my..:D i miss it like crazy but hey, new memories will come..and new songs will come what will be stuck in your head for a long time and youll hate it and youll start hating the song but after some time...and when youll hear it again...all you'll remember is that time you went through during the time the song was like sosooosososo popular:D

ok ill randomly pick a song from my playlist, lets see what will i remember:P

Stained- Epiphany:D hahahah..yes, very depressing song. and i remember i mostly listened to it when i was in my teenage years and i was going through the phase- i likes a boy, he didnt like me. :D...well it wasnt funny that time. then i had to listen to the saddest music, that inspired poetry in me;:D..and of course what i was sad about aswell:D...so much for that

the next song please

Fantasia Barrino-When i see you. this is quite a new song for me. i mean not really cos i have listened to it hundreds of times. when i was young..what we used to do was to burn a tape (cassett) with only one song and listen to it over and over again...now what we do it to press on repeat :D...life is soooo easy. anyway, so about the song.. now that i remember of couse i have memories with this song..they aren't just that old..they go back to the last summer:) :P and well a person is involved , of course,,and a special setting...just some romance :)

JEM- come on closer. not a proper song to listen to in a bibleschool's girls bathroom:P on a GRADUATION DAY, preparing for grad. :P.. but its dang sexy:D so yeah what i remember is 1. dying Amy's hair,listening to this song, in the grls b-room...and 2. graduation day, getting ready for the grad. make-up, hair, sexy dress, high heels, bodylotion with glitter all this and so much more. i love that song.

DMX- party up in here ohhh how it reminds me of my hip-hop class practice that i went to in 11th grade in highschool. that what we listened to almost every time we started with the class and you know...moved to get our muscles warm for dancing...

Just Jack.- Stars in their eyes. maybe its not proper, but i have to mention this song. this song reminds me of Paul Mellers---100% :D it was his myspace profile song. at first when i listened to it (not the full song..just the beginning), i didnt really like it..when i went and looked up their home-page andlistened to their CD there, my brother heard it and he wanted their CD. we boughti it the next day, now its with me in tartu (where i live), in my appartment :D...i also heard it in fashion tv. it was a background song for a fashion show or red-carpet thing.:D i love it..makes me feel like a super-star (naah not really) but Paul is built to be a superstar:D with his attitude and way of life and you know, all that :) so here, i dedicate it to him, tho he'll never read it, doesnt matter:D

Cascada- everytime we touch AND Paris Hilton- stars are blind. Summer, 2006, USA in Roxie's car (my cousin), wherever we went. for sure, all the way. good memories! this is dedicated for Roxie! (ill make sure she'll read it ;) )
with the second song, to be specific, i remember coming back from Seattle, from the youth meeting we had been to and it was dark already , Seattle was in its highlight with all its lights turned on etc. and absolutely every hot summer day, wherever we drove:) she just sang out loud and was happy about it :D.. ahh i miss it :D

Rihanna- Umbrella, Pussycat dolls etc...they remind me of the times im in 'the mood'. as in wanna wear high heels, dress up, full make-up and feel just so dang good about myself:) the song makes me happy and just sexy :D..(not listening to the words :D )...but im pretty sure the best memories are yet to come.

Lupe Fiasco- Superstar. GYM!!! hahahahha,,,training, dancing, GYM, Sweat, ohhhh yeah. all the sweaty guys around me, working out, smelling so bad that it takes my breath :D:D...and im not exadurating. but i love this song. not the smelly guys tho.

Ida Corr- Let me think about it. my university's faculty's x-mas party. it failed hardcore... we left the barty sooooon...and headed out clubbing. soo thats the songthat reminds me of Kaia and Kristel and me,,,in a club, all dressed up (we were all in sexy black dresses, high heels, makeup, hair, dang sexy) and danced like crazy with girls staring at us, jealous and guys staring at us, ... :D never mind that. we welt good and we were there for eachother, to enjoy the company of eachother and to enjoy the pleasure that dancing gives:) (we left soon cos an accident happened with Kaia's dress :S)

Wyclef Jean's album Preacher's Son. first photoshooting of me :) good days

and well my entire list of worship songs are the ones i fall asleep to and wake up to..cos thats what i wanna start my day with and finish my day with- with God!!


;)
pretty cool, eh :D

et te kuulutaksite Tema aulisi tegusid...

oeh..ja jällegi ma õppisin ja mõistsin täna midagi. oma selle olukorra kohta.

pühapäeval, risttee koguduses..anti kodutöö, lugeda piiblit ja tõmmata joon alla sellele, mis südamesse tuleb (mingi kirjakoht) (anti ka pastakas kaasa). mina sain- 1 Pe. 1:7- et teie usk, kui see on läbi katsutud, leitaks olevat kallihinnalisem kullast, mis kaob ja siiski tules läbi katsutakse , ja oleks teile kiituseks ja hiilguseks ja auks Jeesuse Kristuse ilmumiseni .

märksõnad (minu olukorra kohta)-> tules läbi katsutakse!!
-> oleks kiituseks, hiilguseks ja auks.

why didnt i think about it myself *littlebit sarcastic*..aga päriselt. it feels like fire..
kiituseks, hiilguseks ja auks..oleks vaid.

Grief

intro.
im not desperate and im not living through a depression. just..lately..ive felt kinda ..like..that..(dont know how to put it)..just that there are so many thoughts..so much to think about. so im kinda not feeling like writing into my diary so im writing here..tho its a bit stupid cos its so public. whatever. im writing. read it or not

5 steps of grief/grieving
1. denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. anger (again)
5. acceptance

i dont know why..(well i must have some kind of an idea), but i think im grieving. over what? thats too personal and non of your business (no, noone has died)..but something has happened...anyway..i just wish id have the new class already - grief and death. i could use some question-attacking. well not really..im pass this Ukrainian-attitude girl..but i do have questions and a lot of things im wondering about.

ps. grief is not circling around death..not only. there are a lot of ways and reasons for grieving.

away on a long trip...

,,thats exactly what i want and need right now..a CHANGE in my life...a big change..not a small one. like a new dress or new pair of shoes or a b-day party invitation or a new friend...(even tho i would never say no to new pair of shoes or a dress or the rest of the stuff on the list) but what i need is a big change..or even a huge one.

School has worn me out, thats for sure. i need a time out from tallinn and tartu. mhh maybe a vacation. where to...mm...africa maybe. but i cant handle the bugs right now..and the insane heat. and even tho extreme living conditions would definitely be a change, i think i might go for something comfier.
mhh...what about asia. to be honest..i would avoid big crowds right now. yet..asia (like every other place) has places thats are secluded. i would definitely go for "clean" and lots of room and space. some peace and quiet. beautiful nature and some blooming cherry-trees. and i wouldnt say no to some good sushi. so asia sounds quite good.
there is am option to go to the states. i do have a visa for 10 years..so that would work. the good thing is that shoes and clothes are cheep in USA and the food...i can get it even for free,..(but im not talking about financial stuff right now and everything else concerning money). so where to? Miami?- sounds cool, but nah. Florida?- beautiful, but no. California?- really wanna go there,..but another time maybe. New Yourk?- YES!!! NY could really work right now. even tho yes, i said i dont want a big crowd and in this case we would be walking about HUGE crowd..i think a beautiful spring in NY could work a miracle right now! BUT..its not a spring yet, now is it...
Mountains, trees, rocks, water, a CABIN !!!!... yes...i would definitely like to go to a cabin. nice morning coffee ..wake up to a peace and quiet..just rest. ...but then the evening would come. and the darkness in the forest and the animals...and well...cos of everything that has been going on lately...im not a big fan of darkness or dark forests. unless there would be someone to go with. but there isnt. so--- it could have worked..
mhh...Italy??well a big grape arbor with a nice big mac-mansion is tempting..to walk around in a nice sunny spring-day..but as its been said...its not spring yet!! (tho yes..i know..italy has a different weather)..so maybe,..Toscany? actually Capri-island sounds good aswell..tho it is fancy and way-beautiful...and its the place to take sun..and just enjoy the beauty..and tho i said it wouldnt be a trip where id take sun all day long..im starting to change my mind..in this case!!...capri-island does sound beautiful! but if i would really end up sunbathing...i need to have a nice breeze. im definitely not up to sun-burning! but definitely no italian men!!!!

if there's anyone, feeling that they wanna compensate my trip..to on of those places or if theres an alternative,,..id appreciate it! :)
ot was good to dream for a sec :)...and now back to reality and real life that im trying to procrastinate/postpone--yet cant escape from it'!

no..the page is not unders construction...im just SO busy...im sry my dear faithful readers. ill update my blog ASAP i promise :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!

ps. oh yeah and i got 2 pairs of shoes :D (from CHINA...heck ye (H) ) :) that made me very happy...ill write about it in my next blog aswell..
ok have to go now...to continue studying