Summer is almost over. And its normal to think back at the summer and wonder what did i do, was it full of good memories and new situations. Did i gasp hold of every oportunity and am i satisfied with it.
Well for the last 6 months my life has been a time of changing. Yes...sooooo many changes-- starting with 6 months of spiritual desert, throwing away my shoes, losing my "sister" (and getting her back -- thank God) ..to regaining strenght and getting back JOY in my life!
Let me tell you something about joy. The funniest thing..going through the spiritual desert time i had peace in my heart. i knew i was on the right path, moving the right direction and doing the right thing BUT i had no joy...just everything was so super hard and most of all..nothing made any sence (why was i doing anything? ps i knew WHY but for what reason). I knew what i was doing and why i was doing it but i asked myself..WHATS THE POINT. Just nothing made any sence. Lacking joy in your life feels like you wanna throw everything in the corner (your entire life) and just leave. Where?--doesnt matter! Will it help?- nope, probably not. but its just the feeling that everything you do is not woth doing. even tho u know you do the right thing.
So..but what i learned with it was that --- during this time in my life i was left all alone. I had friends but at the same time i had no friends. My family was here but still..i was all alone. that was the feeling..ALL ALONE, nobody understands me etc . anyway..and with that i understood that God is the ONLY one i should really truly FULLY lean on. HE is the only one i should fully trust and hope on. Cos ppl will fail but God will never fail and never leave! and tho friends are the gift from God and they fill your life with so much good then He is the source of everything good.
So ab a week or so ago..i started feeling joy again. and it has been growing day by day. and the gratitude for that in my heart..is indescribable! Everywhere i go, whatever i do i just feel my heart laughing and being soo thankful to God and Praising Him for His goodness and for JOY.
Also a thing that ive learned with this summer..is to thank for the hard times. (you´re thinking DAAAH..thats what Paul said like soooo long time ago). But God truly showed me what it means. and WHy are the hard times so good and so needed. -- Its cos these are the times that change you. really really change you. these are the times that will clean out the mess in your life or deal with your attitude or some areas in your life that need to be changed. and the more you´ll get changed here on earth..the better for YOU..so that one day you´ll be in heaven..you´ll be one step (or more) ahead of the other..just cos u maybe suffered more on the earth..and through that you got changed then go through the same changing process in heaven..but just soooooo much slower (thats why it writes that angels envy us that we can suffer on earth).
So when before i pressed my teeth together and sucked the words out of myself..then now my biggest prayer to God is for Him to take me to the "Court" with myself..here on earth..so He wouldnt have to do it in heaven! and its working! and i dont see myself as a victim anymore as i did before (cos of different things ive gone through in my life..but as a person whom God has showen such a favor by letting me go through these things in such a young age and has made me the person i am now)
So to wrap this up i can just sa that when in the beginning of the year i said this year is going to be different from all the other (how?- i didnt know! Good or bad- i didnt know..just different)..then yes..so far the 8 months have been full of more changes than ive gone through so many years put together. And there is only one explanation to that :) (and thats for me to know and you to figure out :P..or ask me :D )
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