By being good you become a bad person ?!

Have you ever felt that by you standing up for yourself you become the bad person?

God has been teaching me a lot about who i am, what i'm worth, what i deserve etc. It's always good to be reminded of that from the REAL and true source especially when there has never been anyone to teach you that in the first place - a lot can get messed up! So lately i've been watching extra carefully how people act with me. Not to judge or condemn them but to train myself on noticing which treatment is right and which is wrong..what i should accept and what i shouldn't.

The second thing i've had to learn is how to respond to bad treatment?! I'm a person who doesn't like to argue, fight etc. I like to discuss on different subjects and matters just cos i like to hear ppl's different opinions..but when it comes to fighting or being mean or angry or even worse - have revenge on someone - that i do not accept! So therefore i've somehow over the years let people treat me badly. From one side i don't - i confront them right away or just stand up for myself, from the other hand people that are close to me and who i care about, i rather let them hurt me than hurting them (when the situation takes the course). And that's one of the things i've had to change. It is not ok to be treated badly especially by the ones who are close and dear to you!

So lately this one situation happened where i stood up for myself and didn't say anything specific to the person but stood strong and kept my distance. To my surprise the person noticed right away something was wrong. At first they tried to get my attention back but then they distanced themselves aswell letting me know now I did something wrong.

I've been thinking and wondering for the past few days if i should talk to them, if i should apologize, if i should act as 'it's all good'..or should i continue standing strong and letting them know - it is NOT ok, i deserve better !?!
And of course i prayed about it and figured it out! - One thing is 1. to act mean and all bitchy, another thing is 2. to stand my ground and not let myself be treated badly. I understood i chose the 2nd option and it was right thing to do. If the person will keep on distancing themselves from me, it's their own loss and a thing to learn from in the future!

NOTE: Always remember what you deserve!
If you do not know what you deserve,.. well that's a place to start from and learn. go to the real source (God) and learn from Him (from His word - The Bible)

We are gathered here in rememberance of our greatly missed...

For the past few days the sun has been out! And i have to honestly say the past few days ive been SO happy and joyful..and ive had inspiration and motivation to write my thesis and do stuff..be productive..so this morning i woke up and it was all weird. i wasnt in a happy mood..and i didnt understan why. so after showering i rolled up my blind and guess what.. it was snorning (snowing+raining). there was no sign of sun..only the same old clouds. And that explained my 'down' mood. I woke up at 8.30 so i could study (write my thesis) the whole day..i havent done anything and its 2.15pm already. i feel stupid and like im wasking my time..what am i saying ..i AM wasting my time.

Ok i sound like a 6 year old who is whining..but i doubt anybody reads this anyway :D so it's fine..ill whine however much i want..(ok now i sound like a 5..or even 4 y.o.)

My friend just wrote:

At one point you say: "Wow, it's snowing! I love it, it's so beautiful!" And several months later when I say I like snow you hypocrates give me the look that could kill. Yes, you!

And i answered:

well..i like snow and i like winter and this winter has been SUPEr nice and SUPER LONG! but you see the thing is i can't stand another day without sunlight. It's depressing and there is no motivation to do anything + there is that wish to walk on the street without taking 2 steps backwards and 1 forward. i want to see green and i wanna hear birds sing and FLOWERS..it just makes me happy! i want SPRING already..followed by SUMMER and a lot a lot of sun! There should be 3 months or each season. there has been over 4 months of winter already. Who knows when this snow will melt completely and the grass will come out. and then..when will summer arrive and of course there is this wish to see more sun in the summer than clouds -- that before the sun gets to come out and the air gets to warmen up..its fall already and rain and clouds again. BLAH..


It's not that people are hypocrates..it's that people get TIRED of it. Did you know that there was a research done that Estonians need only 15min of sun EVERY DAY..and they'd be happy and joyful and wouldn't be #1 on every BAD list there can be..i mean this makes sence. i am a living proof. The past few days have been amazing and i have a feeling SUN had a lot to do with it...and now today that there is no sun..look at me. im a mess.
i know im a big girl and i need to control myself better but hey if there's sun for 3 days after 3 months of no sun..i have to say i'll get used to it from the first day and it's hard to adjust to clouds and dampness again. i hope you understand. if not you gotta move to Esto to understand..if you live in estonia..it has to be all the vacation you can afford..if you can't afford a vacation ..leave me a comment and tell me what you do to keep yourself HAPPY in daily basis. Yes i pray and read bible aswell and i have a solid rel. with God but i need my D-Vitamine. God created me that way!!!!

Putting my Faith into practice!

I'll describe you one of the situation i'm in right now..

Many of you who are in touch with me more often know that i couldn't officially graduate my Bachelor's degree last year. I won't start telling you about the problems that came up WHY i couldn't protect my thesis..but that's not the point.
So i started informally with my Master's degree.

So now, this spring i'm planning to graduate ( i am GOING TO graduate).. but the thing is that i don't have an instructor.. you know.. who would guide me thro my writing blablabla..anyway you need one..and i don't have one. Firstly cos i have to get one from inside my faculty which is SMALL (for goodness sake) and there only 2 people who are competent to instruct me (cos my theme of research is SO specific that so FEW are adequate in that subject (human trafficking and prostitution) )..anyway..and neither or the 2 people are emn..how to put it now..i can't ask neither of them to instruct me..cos one of them was my instructor last year and well..yeah that didn't go well ( i mean im not say it was entirely her fault i couln't graduate..but anyway)..and the 2nd option..well..if you knew the whole story you'd understand..the 2nd one is not really an option. ..

SO..the picture is starting to get a bit clearer, yes?!.. i need an instructor and there isn't anyone.. at least not that i know of right now or that im bold enought to ask from (like i could ask from the Ministry of Social Affairs the woman who is the specialist in Gender Equality..but emn..well..i don't wanna die just yet (yes that was heavily exagerated)..i have some level of discretion in me to KNOW that i just can't ask her knowing she holds the responsibility before the State in the field of HT and prostitution (and everything to do with it-- researches, developments, legislation etc etc etc) in Estonia)

Anyway..(sorry, im SO tired to write right now..).. but there is a BUT..
my BUT is that God told me something different. He told me that He will give me all the knowledge that i need (Jk 1:5), He promised me He'll help me (Ps 55:17) and i will not be in shame but i will get it done!! (Ps 25, 119:31)
+ He promised me personally we'll get it done..

SO..you see the reality..and what the situation is..and you see the other aspect of His promises to me.. i have a CHOICE to believe in the reality and focus on that..or focus on God's promises to me and just obey Him in everything He tells me to do on the go..

You wanna bet i'll get it (my thesis) done with or without the instructor? just remember, i have God on my side!
It's time to put the faith into practice (meaning that i won't believe all the signs that reality is giving me of how impossible the situation is..OR ill believe the word that God has given me even tho the reality says everything opposite). Yes, i choose to believe God.. and stay tuned to hear how it goes. i Bed it will be some crazy cool way how God will bring me an instructor or i'll do it by myself..i don't care HOW i just know it will happen and ill get an A for my thesis!

Well here's a testimony ;)

ps. prayers are ALWAYS welcome..and actually im asking you to please keep me in your prayers ..to assure that ill stay confident in the Lord and in my faith and also that everything would go according to His plan, and that I'd hear and do everything He asks me to (concerning the thesis i mean)..and of course..the INSTRUCTOR..and whatever else God puts in you heart


This is awesome..yet another miracle is on it's way :)) Oh God is SO good!

Good night and stay in Faith, Hope and Love!
MsHan