Yet another one :))

I know, i know..i've started blogging!!! hehe
It's just that..so much is happening in my life and inside me that i wanna share it just cos it might help or encourage someone who is reading this (IF there is anyone :D ) and if not..it's goot to get it out myself cos then it can be seen in a new perspective and in another light, which is always a good thing

So yesterday evening and today (so far) have been emotional. Ok don't get a wrong image of me - i'm not VERY emotional usually..i mean..im not up and down, up and down, ...even tho it might seem so (cos in every new post i'm in different mood :D)..but actually in my heart im stable cos i trust God and my faith and hope is in Him..but He is doing something in me (not exctly sure what exactly it is but i know it has smth to do with how i see myself and how God sees me) and it's just natural (i like to think so) that when there's a deep-cleaning going on or a surgery, you react to different things different ways. Like when there's a lot of dust, it's just natural to sneeze or if there's a surgery going on it HURTS but it doen't mean one is on the edge of giving up even thinking that..so the same w/ me..even tho i might be in different moods different days etc, im stable :D (that sounded so funny) and it is VERy important to be able to control yourself no matter in what mood your are in. but im sure you know it already
also my mood-swings might be the result of my reading. You see im writing my thesis on human traficking and prostitution and even tho i HAVE to take a break after every ab 15/20 min still it's hard to read ab violence and rape and torture and humiliation all thro the day but at the same time i gotta say it's amazing how God has given me strenght to study it and do the reasearch

anyway, to the point now..

this morning i put on practice what my pastor preached ab on sunday and some stuff he taught us..
so as i opened my bible and read it.. i also noticed one other scripture:

Malachi 2:17
You have wearied the LORD with your words.
"Wearied him?" you ask. "How have we wearied him?"
You have wearied him by suggesting that the LORD favors evildoers since he does not punish them. You have wearied him by asking, "Where is the God of justice?"

I think this scripture is amazing. it's like BAAAAM...For all the ppl who sin and think oh whatever God will forgive me the scripture says that you weary Lord!! and for those who think God lets evil things happen and is not justice, the scripture says the same thing! YOU WEARY LORD WITH THIS TALK. and thinking. Are you serious??!?!?!? BAH

And then i started thinking - If i think God does not want the BEST for me, i also weary God cos after what He did for me (Since God did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won't God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else? - [Rm8:32]) and i STILL think He does not want the BESTEST of the best for me..man that's just STUPID of me..
at the same time i know God is patient and He approaches everyone individually..so make sure you work on yourself and let GOD work on you..and all the rest will fall into place :) Yeb, God is THAT good and great! You just have to give Him the space to move!

Hope this encouraged you or helped you ..

Obedience

Ok i dont have much time..but i feel such joy and happiness in my hears right now that its flowing over and i need to share this with you..

This is my 3rd sleepless night and im in cold Tartu..and im about to go to work where i have to be very active etc..and even tho i dont have so many prerequisites for that (the sleepless nights etc) but i am so joyful..
so i started thinking why is that..i mean not that i mind :D but you still wanna know the source of goodness, dont cha?! well anyway i do..and so i started thinking ab it and i understood my happiness and joyfulness is the result of my obedience to God.
well what i mean is that recently God told me to do something .. and it took a lot of "flesh killing" to do it..but i decided i WANNA be obedient..so i was and i did it..and after that the doors have opened..in EVERY aspect in my life..everything that used to come kinda slow and hard these things just flow now - thats the consequence of obedience! ;)

* today i woke up my throat hurt really bad and i coughed hard..and i decided i wont accept it .. and i decided during this day (today) ill get well..but well..its 10am right now and im well already :D
* finantially doors have opened..
* education wise god has blessed me with knowledge and STABILITY to study and read&write my thesis..thats a BIG thing i must say
* + there have been these weird troubles and misunderstandings etc that have taken so much energy and that have just troubled me..well NO MORE i say..and yes there have been no more of those and you know how they got solved..i obeyed God..in small things.. like this university bill..i had to write to uni concerning my semester bill..but i didnt wanna deal with it..so i just pushed it to the future and ignored it .. but then God told me Hanna, WRITE THEM!!!! cos it will get messy otherwise! so i did and it already had got a bit messy..but God handled the whole thing during one day basically and in conclusion i saved like 10 000 eek (1000$)

and well there's a lot more that has happened.. but yeah.. just wanted to share the PRACTICAL things and EXAMPLES of what can and will happen if ur just obedient to God .. it's AMAZING!

Be HAPPY and JOYFUL today..and if ur not, ask God to help you with it!


Leave a comment and tell me what happened to you by just being obedient to God!


With the best wishes,
Ms.Han

Out of my hands..and into His! VOL 2

VOL 2 - God's grace is sufficient for you [Sulle PIISAB Jumala armust]

So today i woke up with my bible next to me and as i layed my eyes on it a scripture came up:
2 Corinthians 12:9

(NKJV) And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

(The Msg) And then he told me, My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.

(Eesti keeles: Aga Ta ütles mulle: "Sulle saab küllalt minu armust; sest vägi saab nõtruses täie võimuse!" Niisiis ma siis tahan meelsamini kiidelda oma nõtrustest, et Kristuse vägi asuks elama minusse.)


Yes i think it's a well-knows scripture for every christian..but i kinda saw it in a new light..as in..it complimented the last scripture i got and (i wrote ab it here in my last blog post) spoke strongly into my situation..

This line - "My grace is sufficient (enough) for you" is SO powerful and strong, isn't it?! It's like..in the last blog i wrote based on the scripture (Jer 17:7-8) if you trust God AND have your confidence in Him, then you don't worry and you have no fears about whatever situation you have..
well..this scripture goes under the same category (about trusting God in whatever situation you are in)..my story is that..

Yesterday i had a really bad day. it started bad and it was bad all through the day..until i went to bed and even then i had negative thoughts..and even tho i tried to fight them..they carried through to my dreams..but anyway then in the morning when i opened my eyes i saw this scripture..and all of yesterday's 'badness' got beaten. Like, everything that upset me yesterday and got me so sad and brought all kinds of devil's lies in my head..that scripture did 1-0 to all of it.
It's kinda like He said: "Hanna forget about all of it (that happened yesterday and all of your worries)..I mean I can beat it in a snap of a finger..you just trust ME and let Me handle it, whatever you are dealing with!" and then as it continues He says: My strength is made perfect in weakness! I mean..like WHAT? :D Is there anything more joyful to know that whatever i can't handle, He can and He WILL! and He wants to! and when you feel that ok this is it..you are done, you can't take it anymore, you can't handle it anymore..ENOUGH!!!!!!--that's when God goes like heck ye..FINALLY I can take the whole situation completely over :))
i mean you have to constantly, every day give Him the freedom to move in and through you..that's the WHOLE POINT of our existence :) but i mean it's amazing to think that when you feel that you have no control over the situation..He is IN MOVE!

Examples, where "His strength is made perfect in my weakness".
Ex 1: I talked to our family friends today and they said that their contract with their apartment owner will end this month and they have no idea where they're gonna live. This is where ...
Ex 2: I have to write my thesis and every day i have this stage in a day where i feel that im toooooo stupid to wrote it and write it VERY WELL. That's where..
Ex 3: I need supporters to continue working at the family center where i am right now. and I've been looking for ones for almost a year now and there hasn't been any real success with it. and i NEED money to live and pay my bills etc.. but it LOOKS (not that it matters, how it looks) "hopeless". That's where...
Ex 4: I think the biggest thing is our future. At least with my future. I mean i've always know ahead what my future will bring..i mean i've always had a really strong vision for my life and i know what God has in store for me .. but SO OFTEN it feels too big..so big that i think that how in the world and i ever gonna make it happen ..cos i dont wanna fail God..
Well thats the biggest thing and bigges way for me how God lets me know that Hanna..in YOUR WEAKNESS MY STRENGHT IS MADE PERFECT!!


Hope this helped you and i expressed my thoughts and what's in my heart clear enough!

Always put your hope in the Lord and remember, He hasn't given us permission to give up! Cos' He has ensured us everything to finish the run. It's US who have to take hold of it now and put it in action and give Him the freedom to move in and thorugh our lives! That's how we'll finish the run!

Be strong and always have your eyes on Him!

Love,
Ms Han.

Out of my hands..and into His!

If you're Estonian speaking and you wonder why in the world am i blogging in english.. then no, it's not cos i'm so fancy-pantsy and im showing off..it's cos i know very many of my blog readers are english-speaking and frankly am too lazy to write the same post in Estonian and English! So forgive me if you feel betrayed or something smth..

I've been thinking and trying to write a new post for quite some time now cos so much has happened and so many thoughts are on my mind..but every time i start i finish just as fast..so i guessed there's just nothing that much to share..or if there is..it's not that important..

But then yesterday evening i read bible and this scripture came up..and just to mention..i've been searching God in some specific things for quite some time now..so that scripture spoke to me exactly in the aspect i've been searching God for..so the scripture is
Jeremiah 17:7-8
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

[Eesti keeles: Õnnistatud on mees, kes loodab Jehoova peale, kelle lootus on Jehoova! Tema on otsekui vee äärde istutatud puu, mis ajab oma juuri oja kaldal, ega karda, kui palavus tuleb, vaid ta lehed on haljad; ja põua-aastal ta ei muretse ega lakka vilja kandmast]

Something that i did not pay attention to before (reading the scripture) was that there's a difference in trusting God and having your confidence in Him!! Like i can trust God 100% in some aspects and want His will all the way but still try to control the situation or make something happen..you , yourself, through something you do.. but if you add 'Have your confidence in Him'..it means not only that you trust God and trust Him to guide you..but you also let go of whatever you are trying to handle and control yourself! ..and boy that's hard. Letting go is hard. Cos if you let go, if it's totally, absolutely out of your hands it means you don't do absolutely anything to control the situation, to make it happen..but you trust God alll the way and trust Him that IF it is His will..HE (and HE HIMSELF) will make it happen! It means giving God the permission to be in control.

..and if you read on in verse 8, it says..those people (who have done the step 1 and 2), they don't have any fear nor any worries!! So here's how you can test whether you trust God in your own specific matter AND if you have your confidence in Him..is whether you have any fears or worries concerning the matter. Well that's how i came to the conclusion i didn't have my confidence in Him (is that i had fears and worries)..so now..i don't anymore :)) .. and it even says that even tho it might get really really hard it does not fear "when the heat comes"..that it's leaves stay green--meaning like..you won't get all sad and depressed and miserable and all that..IT DOESN'T EFFECT YOU cos your confidence is fully in Him which means you're like a tree in the desert but that's roots are in the water..like who wouldn't like that :D

..and also one final thing concerning the scripture..look at the 2nd part of the final sentence-- never fails to bear fruit. Have you notices that if there's something bothering you or there's something big on your mind (big as in..not "what food am i gonna make today; what should i wear today etc") it can take your attention off everything or everybody else you are surrounded by..and even to the extent where you can't pray, can't worship..or you just won't..you are constantly thinking about THAT THING..well it's a big red light saying STOP NOW and do the step 1 and 2!!
..So if you will..you will never fail to bear fruit and thats just AWESOME! Just imagine you being in a deser ..lets say inthe middle of the summer in a desert (let's take it to the extreme :D )..and YOU will be the one having it's roots in the water and baring fruit! man, GOD IS AMAZING! :)

So i really hope it helped you..cos for me it changed everything!

and remember..
Out of your hands..and into His!!

Be bold to leave comments!!!

2009 vs 2010

I was just thinking today how much my life has changed with the past 1,5 years. why i say 1,5 years and not 1 year (at it is more custom to)..is cos that's when i started going to the new church i have been going to (it's in another town called Paide).
As soon as the prayer meeting started i knew THAT WAS IT. That's the church iv'e been looking for and praying for for almost 7 years and the last 1,5 year (b4 i went there) especially. I couldn't believe that a church like that REALLY existed.
Right then God started working with me
1. He freed me from something i had been fighting with for SO long (trying to beak free..but i just couldn't). So after 7,5 years of trying to set myself free and couldn't of course...God did it!
2. He dug deep into my soul and taught me the true A B C about myself. Many of you know i had to throw my shoes away..
God told me that He hasn't created me with shoes, make-up not jewelry so non of it should effect the way i see myself. In my case it had the BIGGEST effect on me. So that had to be cut through just like that.
Following that ... i went through a mourning period. Yes i mourned like somebody had died. But somebody did- i died. the old me. My dreams crashed, my identity, who i thought i was and what i thought i wanted and everything else...it crashed..so i had to start building it up again..and man it was hard.
3. A very dear person to me left. We lived together for a year..but things changed and there were a lot of stuff going on that we couldn't handle...so she decided to move out and live separately (which was ok with me of course)...but what really followed that event...was "hell" to me. I won't describe it..it doesn't really matter anymore...but the point is all through the summer every minute of every day seemed to never end and seemed to get just harder and harder and more painful than i could handle.
I couldn't read bible, i couldn't pray..all i tried to do was to BREATHE.
So after knowing her for almost 8 years..she was gone just like that. and i was alone just like that. and went through the mourning, alone, just like that.
That tough me that whatever it is...however close the person is next to you.. GOD is the one you ought to trust to the end and lean on to the end and count on..to the end...cos He is the ONLY ONE...who has guaranteed you He will NEVER end and He is the only one who can keep the promise 100% (and He does)!!!
4. The fourth thing i won't describe..but what i learned is that only in God's grace you are safe!
if you even try to step out of it cos you are dieing to see what's out there and test your territory, you will get burned. So keep yourself safe, in God's hands.


So may people do the New Year's resolutions..i never do them. i used to..and i never went through with then cos they were always about losing weight :D i gave up :P
But still .. it think it's really good to have some vision what you are shooting for.. cos then you can keep track with what has changed in your life, what God has done in you..and what is yet to come..

• It is going to be a break-through year in education, finances, relationships and of course..SPIRITUALLY!! I am shooting for the realms where i have never been before (in every mentioned area) and only God can imagine what's that like :P.. cos He will take me there ;)
  
• I'm gonna work on myself. Trying to become better person than i have been ever before. I'm gonna try to be there for others and show them the love and mercy God has shown me every time i have fallen and how He has then lifted me back up
• I'm gonna try and encourage people to never quit and fight and have hope. To always put their eyes on God and always hope for something BIG to happen and then give God room to surprise them with even bigger things ;)

(and now im gonna try and remember all that :P hehe ) (just joking..im gonna pray ab it and then let God do the work in me :) )

So share with me your resolutions..if you made them. :))

HAPPY NEW YEAR and may it be the bestest year with breakthroughs and special moments that take your breath away ;)

2010 is yours to do

This year is fresh and clean, and it doesn't matter what's been done in the past...this is like getting a brand new canvas to paint on...
whatever hurts and frustrations...were in the past year...leave them there..and start new...with boldness, happiness and lots of hope! This could be the year that:
your dreams start to come true, you find your true love, your happiness returns, you become the best you that you've always wanted...

dream big and hope even bigger...this is the year to be the changes that you want....become the person you want to show the world...love bold and brave...and do things that scare you...you'll be glad you did...talk to the people that make you nervous, say the things that you usually keep trapped inside....love more people than you did last year....and give more compliments away...let's spread more love this year everywhere we go...and in return we will feel more loved!!!!

/Kandee Johnson

Kas kõik-ühes inimest on olemas?

mhh...täiega huvitav on jälgida, kuidas sotsiaalse võrgustiku muutudes pead sa käima läbi teatud sammud ja etapid mis nagu kuuluksid võrgustikutegevuse juurde. Et mu mõte ära ei jookseks ja jutt laiali ei valguks, asun ma otse oma mõtte kallale. Suht tihti ma alustan mingi mõtte väljendamist, kuid se jookseb siis kinni ja kohe pärast seda arvuti jookseb ka kinni :D
(ahjaa...mu mõte!!!!...mm...think think..what was it)

Mu sõbrad ümberringi on hakanud ühtäkki abielluma, mis on muidugi super tore aga paratamatult viib see mõtted sinnasamma vanasse käänakusse--kellega MINA abiellun? See ei ole depressiivne mõte..ma ei vala selle üle pisarad, ei kaku juukseid peast ja ei söö meeletus kogustes šokolaadi--Ei..(ma pöördun selle asjaga Isa poole) aga paratamatult on mul ka küsimused kellega ma abiellun. asi polegi niivõrd selles et ma tahan teada inimese nime vaid ma tahan teada milline ta on oma iseloomult, välimuselt, olemiselt jne. Kas ta vastab mu ootustele, kas ta on mu maitse kohane...
ja siit tuleb mu järgmine mõte--kui palju on mul õigus küsida/tahta? te kõik teate seda väljendit kindlasti, et Jumal ei anna mõlema käega (mis on VALE muideks--kõik mis Jumal loob on TÄIUSLIK..selle igas vormis)..aga ma mõtlen just seda et kui ma tahan meest, kes on super iseloomuga jne...kas siis ma ei või tahta ka seda et ta välimus vastab mu maitsele. There always seeems to me something missing.. :(
Ma ei ole mingi super valiv..või noh tegelt suht olen küll aga ma arvan et see on õige--ma tahan meest Jumala standardi järgi..ja see standard on kõrge!! Kuid sellegipoolest on mul ka teatud inimlikud ootused ja lootused. Kas ma peaksin mõndadest soovidest loobuma? Näiteks et inimese süda on Jumala juures ja ta on super iseloomuga aga mingit tõmmet ei ole. Või vastupidi, et välimuselt on väga atraktiivne ja iseloomult on ka super ning jah Jumalaga on asjad korras, aga samas nagu ei ole seda klikki. Või võtame mõne muu variandi näiteks kus inimesel on asjad Jumalaga korras aga iseloomus on nii mõndagi asju mille kallal oleks vaja töötada..aga samas me oleme ju kõik inimesed nii et see oleks ebaloomulik kui inimene on veatu!
(lihtsalt et selgeks teha, näited on välja mõeldud, mitte mu "valikud" päris elus)
siin ongi küsimus, et mida võtta ja mida mitte. KAs saab kõik-ühes või see on mingi muinasjutt, mille jutustajat lõbustasid ainult tema unistused, lootused ja ettekujutused.

Ühesõnaga, kui on mõtteid, JAGAGE NEID! Kommenteeride, avaldage oma arvanust..muidu ma peab siin üksi monoloogi ning jäängi oma küsimuste juurde :)

Ilusat und neile, kes on magama suundumas (nagu mina nüüd)