what happens when there is no more air to breath

see ive said numerous times that still, sometimes, i forget to breathe. yes, it has many meanings but i forgot the one other option..what happens when there is no more air to breath?! the effects will be quite the same..its just that i wont have the control anymore. its out of my hands. and no matter how much i want to breath, how much i miss it and long for it, how important that is or how much it means for me or the other..i wont be able to!!!

Sometimes i feel that the only thing still keeping me sane is the fear of one day finding myself being insane. 

oh God, where do i find air in those days.

sulle ei meeldi tööd teha ??

Tööst rõõmu tundmine.

"Issand käsib seda õnnistust olla sinuga su aitades ja kõiges mille külge sa oma käe paned" 5 Moosese 28:8

Õnn tähendab muu seas ka endaga rahul olemist. Enesega rahulolu omakorda rajaneb Su suhtele ja saavutustele. Kui Su annid ja võimed on lõpuni arendatud ja elutöö kaudu ära kasutatud, muutud enesekindlamaksja tugevamaks. Toon järgnevalt välja 7 võtit tööga rahul olemiseks.

1. Näe töös Jumala andi ,mitte karistust. "Seegi on Jumala and, kui Jumal annab mõnele inimesele rikkust ja vara ning lubab tal seda nautida, sellest oma osa võtta ja rõõmus olla oma vaeva viljast." (Kg 5:18)

2. Mõista, et Su tegelik "tööandja" on Jumal. "..teenides heal meelel otsekui Issandat ja mitte nagu inimesi, teades, et igaüks, kui ta on teinud midagi head, saab selle eest tasu Issanda  käest.." (Ef 6:7-8)

3. Otsi töö, mis sobib Su andidega. "..kui keegi teenib, siis teenigu nagu selle jõuga, mille Jumal annab, nõnda et Jumal saaks kõigiti austust.." (1Pe 4:11)

4. Õpi oma töö kohta selgeks kõik, mis võimalik. "..kes tark on, see kuuleb seda ja võtab veelgi enam õpetust; kes aru saab, see omandab oskuse.." (Õp 1:5)

5. Kasuta kriitikat enda kasuks. Üane see enda kasuks tööle, küsi teiste arvamust ja palu neil end korrigeerida. "Vaesus jahäbi on sellel, kes ei hooli õpetusest, aga kes noomimist tähele paneb, seda austatakse." (Õp 13:18)

6. Tee rohkem, kui Sinult oodatakse. "Ja kui keegi sunnib sind käima ühe miili, mine temaga kaks!" (Mt 5:41)

7. Tee Jeesusest oma töökaaslane. Pea Kristust meeles kogu päeva, kui ustavalt oma kohust täidad. "Kindlameelsele sa hoiad rahu, rahu, sest ta loodab Sinu peale." (Js 26:3) 

(Sõna Tänaseks Päevaks)

a CRITICAL THINKING

I've been telling Daniel (my brother) that he is way too critical. I've told him that you know in the end of the day, you should think of the positive things, and be thankful cos life is hard enough and thinking about it all , it wont do any good to this fragile persons that we are and so, we should concentrate on the positive stuff. i don't positive stuff like a new car that you saw in a TVshow- if that what keeps you going, you need to reorganise your priorities in life. but that's what Daniel was saying..that that's what people do. they see these idealistic things or situations or lifestyles in the media, in TV, movies etc etc and that changes their perspectives. and their new ideas and understandings of life, of 'living', its not real anymore. the situations, even hard situations in media..they are SO different from the ones in real life. i mean even the TV show- doctor house- i mean the doctor is like an old,bad pickle and they solve these mystical illnesses and diseases and yet every time the show has a happy ending. so Daniel was saying that the more we watch TV or movies or play computer games, the more we are influenced by the reality that is not even real. but it starts controlling our lives and our thoughts.
Daniel has been telling me that ppl need to think more critical...have a more critical view over life. i haven't agreed so far..but today, after our conversation, i told him that i don't watch TV (and i have been wanting to stay away from it on the weekends as well, when i come home, and i always tell the boys to turn it off or watch smth that educates,,) anyway,and I'm definitely not watching movies half as much as i used to..if at all (just occasionally something)...and even computer...i want to spent less and less time behind my beautiful mac as well...just because i want to spend more time with God...and THAT is a CRITICAL THINKING (that's what Dann said)!!! and that's when i agreed that critical thinking is SO needed in nowadays society and every person should put more effort in it. you know where when and how exactly YOU should do it...so get right on it! and may God give you wisdom while doing it!
- we are called to life different-

We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are!! /Anais Nin

an UPDATE..just bits and peaces of what im thinking and feeling

hey..well..its been great i can say, things are finally getting better with God...that is that i feel the clouds are moving away and the sun is startung to shine again. i love it. that i feel the passion and i want to read the bible, that i wanna be with God and pry and spend time with Him. (who havent talked to me..what im talking about is that ive had a very difficult time in my life..like a desert period ..and not just only..it was just freaking hard..anyway but thansks to the grace and the mercy of God, it is finally going away!!)
there are challanges..all the time..but all i can do is to live one day at the time and constantly pray, i csnt go thropugh those difficulties without God, thats for sure. i need Him in every way, in every area in my life, ,in every decision imake..i need to know that im doing everything with God..jut because i wanna do everything with God,,ahh i love Him so much and i just cant understand how can He love me so much..but im sooo thankful to Him for that!

yesterday Spring started officially!!! the night was light! the moon was shining so bright that it woke me up! so beautiful..and today the sun is shining and the spring is in the air!it is amazing!makes me smile:)

well i can say i have peace in my heart right now. i mean not just right now but overall...just because ive realised that worrying wont do anything..and literally WONT DO anything....praying about it and then trusting God ..well that does EVERYTHING!!:) so im in peace,,even tho things are happpening that are shaking the ground underneath me,,but i have God who is as strong and steady as a mountain!! well He is the creator or the universe (H). makes me so proud to be His daughter

a good day..

yes today has been wonderful..tho i must say...ive been eating too much sweets lately..have to cut off littlebit in that area..anyway..emn..well iw atched step up 2 on a DVD...i love that movie. then..i ..mm...pissed daniel off...with my 'ewww's and 'whattevaaa's and 'nagu,...ää..eiiii's :d.. see i know he hates it when i do that..speak like that...its so gay:D...and well thats why i do it..daah..anyway..had lots of fun with that. i wore the I (L) NY that i recently got :P and mm..smelled like cherry blossom..:D...cos of the lotions i recently got and my hair feels super soft cos of the shampoo and conditioner i recently got:P no, no occasion..except that im just so special and irresistable to give gifts to..so go ahead..dont be modest..ill gladly accept all of ur gifts

man i have to learn how to stop with my 'jokes'. see cos its quite late, my jokes get a new dimension, a new meaning...and well..i think most of the ppl dont understand any of it:D...at least i amuse myself, right?! :) ahh whatever..

please dont read that blog..its stupid (ojj,,i should've written it in the beginning...)

adios amigos, im outta here

Today's scripture- Romans 7(:7-13, 14-25)

7 What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet." 8 But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. 9 Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. 10 I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death. 11 For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. 12 So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. 13 Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

music (and my memories :D )

before we start..i have to say..if you havent heard the songs..i recommend you to listen to them (in youtube for ex.) while reading about them!!!

hey, you know how sometimes you hear a very old song...or not even that old..but you havent listened to it for some time..and when you hear it..ALL THESE MEMORIES come up!!!:) sweeeet... like for example nelly furtado- all good things. i remember sitting in the car, coming back from this island in denmark,, with some awesome ppl from CIMC (the school i went to in denmark)..it was evening,..we had been sitting in the car for some time, out butt's hurt like non other and this song came from the radio..i LOVED IT...so i remember during these 2 more hours we had to sit in the car the song played in the radio so many times..and every times i was so thrilled and i loved it.. thats the first sime i heard it..but now, every time i listen to it, i remember denmark and spring. man i miss it. i remember my walks, alone, with my thoughts. they were awesome. not just thoughts..usually i went out to pray after church. the sun was still out, it was nice and warm yet quite cold breeze...but it was 100% SPRING!!! in denamrk! oh my..:D i miss it like crazy but hey, new memories will come..and new songs will come what will be stuck in your head for a long time and youll hate it and youll start hating the song but after some time...and when youll hear it again...all you'll remember is that time you went through during the time the song was like sosooosososo popular:D

ok ill randomly pick a song from my playlist, lets see what will i remember:P

Stained- Epiphany:D hahahah..yes, very depressing song. and i remember i mostly listened to it when i was in my teenage years and i was going through the phase- i likes a boy, he didnt like me. :D...well it wasnt funny that time. then i had to listen to the saddest music, that inspired poetry in me;:D..and of course what i was sad about aswell:D...so much for that

the next song please

Fantasia Barrino-When i see you. this is quite a new song for me. i mean not really cos i have listened to it hundreds of times. when i was young..what we used to do was to burn a tape (cassett) with only one song and listen to it over and over again...now what we do it to press on repeat :D...life is soooo easy. anyway, so about the song.. now that i remember of couse i have memories with this song..they aren't just that old..they go back to the last summer:) :P and well a person is involved , of course,,and a special setting...just some romance :)

JEM- come on closer. not a proper song to listen to in a bibleschool's girls bathroom:P on a GRADUATION DAY, preparing for grad. :P.. but its dang sexy:D so yeah what i remember is 1. dying Amy's hair,listening to this song, in the grls b-room...and 2. graduation day, getting ready for the grad. make-up, hair, sexy dress, high heels, bodylotion with glitter all this and so much more. i love that song.

DMX- party up in here ohhh how it reminds me of my hip-hop class practice that i went to in 11th grade in highschool. that what we listened to almost every time we started with the class and you know...moved to get our muscles warm for dancing...

Just Jack.- Stars in their eyes. maybe its not proper, but i have to mention this song. this song reminds me of Paul Mellers---100% :D it was his myspace profile song. at first when i listened to it (not the full song..just the beginning), i didnt really like it..when i went and looked up their home-page andlistened to their CD there, my brother heard it and he wanted their CD. we boughti it the next day, now its with me in tartu (where i live), in my appartment :D...i also heard it in fashion tv. it was a background song for a fashion show or red-carpet thing.:D i love it..makes me feel like a super-star (naah not really) but Paul is built to be a superstar:D with his attitude and way of life and you know, all that :) so here, i dedicate it to him, tho he'll never read it, doesnt matter:D

Cascada- everytime we touch AND Paris Hilton- stars are blind. Summer, 2006, USA in Roxie's car (my cousin), wherever we went. for sure, all the way. good memories! this is dedicated for Roxie! (ill make sure she'll read it ;) )
with the second song, to be specific, i remember coming back from Seattle, from the youth meeting we had been to and it was dark already , Seattle was in its highlight with all its lights turned on etc. and absolutely every hot summer day, wherever we drove:) she just sang out loud and was happy about it :D.. ahh i miss it :D

Rihanna- Umbrella, Pussycat dolls etc...they remind me of the times im in 'the mood'. as in wanna wear high heels, dress up, full make-up and feel just so dang good about myself:) the song makes me happy and just sexy :D..(not listening to the words :D )...but im pretty sure the best memories are yet to come.

Lupe Fiasco- Superstar. GYM!!! hahahahha,,,training, dancing, GYM, Sweat, ohhhh yeah. all the sweaty guys around me, working out, smelling so bad that it takes my breath :D:D...and im not exadurating. but i love this song. not the smelly guys tho.

Ida Corr- Let me think about it. my university's faculty's x-mas party. it failed hardcore... we left the barty sooooon...and headed out clubbing. soo thats the songthat reminds me of Kaia and Kristel and me,,,in a club, all dressed up (we were all in sexy black dresses, high heels, makeup, hair, dang sexy) and danced like crazy with girls staring at us, jealous and guys staring at us, ... :D never mind that. we welt good and we were there for eachother, to enjoy the company of eachother and to enjoy the pleasure that dancing gives:) (we left soon cos an accident happened with Kaia's dress :S)

Wyclef Jean's album Preacher's Son. first photoshooting of me :) good days

and well my entire list of worship songs are the ones i fall asleep to and wake up to..cos thats what i wanna start my day with and finish my day with- with God!!


;)
pretty cool, eh :D