The right feet

Did my morning devotions and read a verse from Habakuk 

3:17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

3:18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

3:19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.

..and i remembered that my teacher at the bibleschool taught us ab the verse. And its so sweet how God reminded me of it today cos a very close person to me really needed it (at least i felt in my heart it was for him). 

Anyhow so the thing with this scripture is..that you have to know the context (as always) :).

 

The feet of a deer are VERY STRONG. Because they run around all day long on a rocky and hard ground and not just only..but (in some places) there are all these dry plants that have sharp and long thorns etc..but it doesn't effect them.

The book of Habakuk is written in Babylonia, Judah and the landscape there is pretty much like that >>

and its desert (rock desert) so that means the rocks gets REALLY HOT + its very "mountainy"..so its quite steep. But still deer can stand on the steep hill, on the HOT stones..and not be effected by it.

ALSO note that Habakkuk wrote that ..He enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk doesn't write that He keeps me from going there or keeps me on the skandinavian green pastures .NOO nonono..He writes that God enables us to go to the heights but then he asks for the right feet!! So that when he is there, he wouldn't fall or give up or die there. God is our strenght!

So if you are in a situation in your life where it reallllly feels like rock desert and the rocks are HOT and the thorns stick out and its just insanely hot .. ask God not to take you away from there..but give you the right feet to stand! And the you'll come out of there stronger than ever!

Like you'll never see me again

Mhh..ive been thinking a lot ab what i would like to say to people lets say if it was my last chance to say smth to them. So ive played dialogs or more like monologs in my head what i would say to them. 

And right now i have this moment when i wanna say all these things to this person so that i would never think back and think that WHAT IF i told them this or that...would smth be different..i wanna know i did Everything i could

..anyway..

its not like an EMO moment that im having right now :D im more than good..but if it was your last chance to tell me something..what would you say/tell me? and i really wanna know so leave me a comment or write me an email. :)

Faith is a commitment

My teacher from bibleschool where i went to (CIMC) wrote:

/.../

Faith is basically commitment. After having invited the disciples to live with Him (Jesus), a process of commitment starts. We read several times that "they (disciples) believed", yet right after He tells them off for their unbelief - and then on the last evening He says to them "finally you believe" - they had been growing in their faith or commitment up to this evening where they finally realize who He is and wherefrom He has come.

Faith is a process - our commitment is growing as we remain in Him and keep His teachings - He occurs at times to us in e.g.. prayer answers - and we take steps of commitment towards Him.

Today, when i read this..all of a sudden all of it made sence. Just like a marriage is a commitment/a decision the same way is faith. In marriage..feelings will not last..you'll not stay in love forever..and there will come times where you cant stand it anymore and want out..but its still a decision to stay with the person you committed yourself to and not leave just cos its (insanely) hard (but that means the spouse is normal - not abusive or anything like that and works on the marriage aswell) . 

And i understand its the same way with faith. No-one says its going to be easy and if they have told you that sorry but they've lied! BUT ITS WORTH IT>> every fight, every stuggle..its so worth it! Paul says I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith (2 Tim 4:7).  Why does he say "i have kept my faith"..why not "i have been a real good christian" or something else like that..cos its not about that. God knows we're gonna make mistakes, He knows we're gonna fall..but He doesnt keep count on how many times we fall but how many times we stand up again after we fall and continued trying and fighting. Salomon says: even those make mistakes who  seek the Lord and want to find Him (apocrypha>> The Wisdom of Solomon 13:6). Thats also why you've heard me say and its kinda my trait-sentence already:) - I WILL NEVER GIVE UP! cos if i will then devil will win and i wont let that happen!-  so even if ive come to the point where im not fighting anymore to keep my faith (yes, ive been there few times in my life)..then i fight so that devil wouldnt win..and of course that means im fighting to keep my faith. and in the end..i still do it cos i love God. 

I (my teacher) would have said, "So get a grip of yourself man, and uphold your focus", but Paul would have said,
"Therefore my dear brothers, stand firm, let nothing move you, always give yourselves to the work of the Lord, cos you know that your labor in the Lord in not in vain" (1. Cor. 15:58)

Life is a fight, and you're wondering why its hard?! So keep on fighting .. for the Lord! One day you'll get answers to your 'why's (why did this happen, why me...) and you'll give answers. But right now its about 'Your life for Gods purpose' so put all on the table and live 100% for Him!

Now go read this: http://epistle.us/poetry/whenisayiamachristian.html

To-Do list to spare you from so many 'fail's'

Mhh ohh how many times ive started writing ab smth and lost interest in finishing it. it seems just way to difficult to finish writing ab what i have on my mind and then to post it aswell. 

maybe i could do it in a language any of my readers dont understans.. but then what would be the point?!

So today id like to share with you something ive learned from my own life with the past few weeks. and ill call it To-Do List to spare yourself from bunchanothin'/'fail's ':

1. Anyhow yesterday i had this deep convo with Andreas ab things to change ab myself. And lets just say it was very refreshing. you should do it. ask a person who knows you the best and who you know wont lie to you..and let them tell you what you need to change ab urself. how else u gonna find out these things. Well im glad we came to realise with Andu that what i need to change ab myself is what we all Kotsjuba kids kinda need to change ab ourselves :D so im glad im not in this alone :D

2. Now..the next thing on my mind is..make sure u have someone next to you who will be there for you to guide you out from a mess...if you feel everything has kinda run together and you just DONNO what you must do to find a way out and start from somewhere. that person has to be honest with you meaning they have to be able to tell EVERYTHING to ur face and they must share the same perspectives on life with you otherwise they'll guide u to even deeper mess (actually nad God is the one to guide you that person is the one to support you in where God is leading you)

3. Dont trust people who tell you to trust them and then ask to share your life in full extent..right away. Im not telling they have problems with keeping a secret (they might tho) BUT they have problems with staying and continuing to be your friend after you tell them ab your life and ur secrets. sometimes its good to have a person you dont know so well to talk to and hear their opinion BUT just be careful with what you say and when you say it. if a person wants to skip all the steps a friendship takes to build then just so you know they'll skip the steps what it takes to stay. yeah i know it might kinda sound bitter but thats what i experienced so im trying to spare you from it

4. ONe thing that im reallllly batteling myself right now is finding joy again. Yes my last blogs were ab how amazingly God has blessed me with an amazing job etc BUT as it shows its not what brings you joy. so make sure (if you've lost it) you do everything to find it again cos thats the fuel for having stenght to keep on fighting, and especially..to keep on DREAMING and dreaming is a big part of how we find the right path and do what we're called to do in life. it all starts with a dream and if the dream is too big then it must be from God (as i've found out for myself)!

5. Ask for forgiveness. I remember the first time i was in the States visiting my relatives and my cousin told me i ask for forgiveness too often.  He said: "we are relatives, you dont have to say you're sorry" but no i think we do. cos people might get you wrong or might not get your jokes or there can be so many more things. so its ALWAYS safer to say you're sorry hundreds of times a day than not do it and have so many ppl get hurt (accidently).

6. Dont play with your emotions/heart! ohh thats a big one. someone should've told it to me b4 i started doing it. well but its not too late to teach ab this ;) :D..if there's something you want but know you cant or just wont ever get/have...STAY AWAY from it! whatever or maybe whoever it is! one day you'll realise what a waste of time it was and you wont get your heart nor your time back..so..stop now b4 u get too into this crap!

7. Here's one more..do not say a word before you feel you are calm. you'll save a lot of ppl from getting hurt. not just that you wont say bad things to someone but youre VOICE and tone of voice will be calm and that always has bigger effect on the other person than the words!

If you didnt know but there's a syndrome called ABW (angry black women). You can do the work of imagining how does an ABW look like and i think you dont wanna be like that. 

Love letter..

You show yourself to me from a new light. From a perspective that i never saw before. Something that i haven't figured out on my own tho i've knows You for 22+ years. 

Im falling in love with You again and i appreciate that love more than ever before cos this time there's so much more to it. This time i've let go of everything that i used to love. Everything that had a place in my heart. No  more of that. This time i love only You and no-one and nothing but You. How did You get me here? How did You have the patience to wait for me ?

You are so unbelievably good and so big that it seems i just cant figure You out.  But You are so good! Where does this love come from? The love that hasn't given up on me, the love that takes me back after every time i make a mistake. How can You love me tho i keep hurting You? Oh God..i just can't figure it out. But what i wanna tell You is - THANK YOU- for waiting for me, for having faith in me, for loving me no matter what. I LOVE YOU and i wanna show it to  You too, just the way You do, every day!

More Than Words Can Say

Next time im gonna go to Tallinn im gonna be welcomed with this >>>>

It means I LOVE YOU! :)

and ANdu is gonna make it ! :)