Kas kõik-ühes inimest on olemas?

mhh...täiega huvitav on jälgida, kuidas sotsiaalse võrgustiku muutudes pead sa käima läbi teatud sammud ja etapid mis nagu kuuluksid võrgustikutegevuse juurde. Et mu mõte ära ei jookseks ja jutt laiali ei valguks, asun ma otse oma mõtte kallale. Suht tihti ma alustan mingi mõtte väljendamist, kuid se jookseb siis kinni ja kohe pärast seda arvuti jookseb ka kinni :D
(ahjaa...mu mõte!!!!...mm...think think..what was it)

Mu sõbrad ümberringi on hakanud ühtäkki abielluma, mis on muidugi super tore aga paratamatult viib see mõtted sinnasamma vanasse käänakusse--kellega MINA abiellun? See ei ole depressiivne mõte..ma ei vala selle üle pisarad, ei kaku juukseid peast ja ei söö meeletus kogustes šokolaadi--Ei..(ma pöördun selle asjaga Isa poole) aga paratamatult on mul ka küsimused kellega ma abiellun. asi polegi niivõrd selles et ma tahan teada inimese nime vaid ma tahan teada milline ta on oma iseloomult, välimuselt, olemiselt jne. Kas ta vastab mu ootustele, kas ta on mu maitse kohane...
ja siit tuleb mu järgmine mõte--kui palju on mul õigus küsida/tahta? te kõik teate seda väljendit kindlasti, et Jumal ei anna mõlema käega (mis on VALE muideks--kõik mis Jumal loob on TÄIUSLIK..selle igas vormis)..aga ma mõtlen just seda et kui ma tahan meest, kes on super iseloomuga jne...kas siis ma ei või tahta ka seda et ta välimus vastab mu maitsele. There always seeems to me something missing.. :(
Ma ei ole mingi super valiv..või noh tegelt suht olen küll aga ma arvan et see on õige--ma tahan meest Jumala standardi järgi..ja see standard on kõrge!! Kuid sellegipoolest on mul ka teatud inimlikud ootused ja lootused. Kas ma peaksin mõndadest soovidest loobuma? Näiteks et inimese süda on Jumala juures ja ta on super iseloomuga aga mingit tõmmet ei ole. Või vastupidi, et välimuselt on väga atraktiivne ja iseloomult on ka super ning jah Jumalaga on asjad korras, aga samas nagu ei ole seda klikki. Või võtame mõne muu variandi näiteks kus inimesel on asjad Jumalaga korras aga iseloomus on nii mõndagi asju mille kallal oleks vaja töötada..aga samas me oleme ju kõik inimesed nii et see oleks ebaloomulik kui inimene on veatu!
(lihtsalt et selgeks teha, näited on välja mõeldud, mitte mu "valikud" päris elus)
siin ongi küsimus, et mida võtta ja mida mitte. KAs saab kõik-ühes või see on mingi muinasjutt, mille jutustajat lõbustasid ainult tema unistused, lootused ja ettekujutused.

Ühesõnaga, kui on mõtteid, JAGAGE NEID! Kommenteeride, avaldage oma arvanust..muidu ma peab siin üksi monoloogi ning jäängi oma küsimuste juurde :)

Ilusat und neile, kes on magama suundumas (nagu mina nüüd)

Wanna' Worry-Free Life??

Something changed in me since last sunday--which was like 2 days ago.. :D But my pastor gave us an assignmet: Every time a worry/worrying thought comes up in my mind, i would immediately lift it to God and pray ab it and give it to Him. And during the day if the worry comes back, i just lift it to God, again..and again..and again...as many times as needed..
..might seems to be 'obvious' thing to do but trust me if you start checking your thoughts and EVERY thought that has even a bit of worry in it you talk ab it w/ God and give it to Him, it changes everything!
Ok for you, who are not christians..ill give you an example how to 'give things to God' and how to talk to Him.
See The Bible says that (ill write it in estonian) Filiplastele 4:6 Ärge muretsege ühtigi, vaid laske kõiges oma palumised (e. soovid) palve ja anumisega ühes tänuga saada Jumalale teatavaks.
1 Peetruse 5:7 Heitke kõik oma mure Tema (e. Jumala) peale, sest Tema peab hoolt teie eest!
Laulud (Psalimid) 37:5 Veereta Jehoova peale oma tee ja looda Tema peale; küll Ta toimetab kõik hästi!
55:23 Heida Jehoova peale oma koorem ja Tema hoolitseb sinu eest; Ta ei lase iialgi kõikiuda õiget.

So these are some of the scriptures from the bible we can stand on and KNOW that God wants us to give Him out worries and burdains.
>> So lest say for ex. your worry is that you dont know where you'll get the money to pay your bills. Bills pile up and u just dont have the money. So lets say you take the bills and say that God, i have NO IDEA where ill get the money to pay all these bills but bible says that i should trust You with it and You'll take care of me...so here they are (the bills) and Thank You that You'll help me get the money to pay the bills!
Yes, thats it! and Yes, IT WORKS. God is alive and God cares!!!! and He loves you more that you can even imagine so..try it out..it cant hurt to try!

Well so i started doing it yesterday. and its amazing--something has changed in me. i cant wait to spend time with God, to talk to Him, to "bother" Him with my thoughts and ideas and life again :) i mean i dont know what was so different before..cos i loved to do it then aswell...but somehow, something is different..and whatever that is, im sure glad it happened. :)))

Last sunday's preaching was super! Pastor Ken talked about our mind..and how its a battlefield and how everything is connected to your thoughts so if you havent got a beakthrough in something -- first thing you go and check is your thoughts and mindset ab the matter. and there was SOOO much more as there always is :)) and it was just so good cos well..it changed me just like that, over night and for good :)) Praise God..i mean..c'mon, i have a worry free life! hehe

Hope you will start doing the same TODAY and change ur whole perspective with it!


PS. Leave comments how it worked and what's been happening ever since u start doing it and if you see any changes (and what are they). Its so encouraging to hear them!

Be blessed!

Take the Lead!

Ive been thinking lately a LOT about my life and where im at. We Christians all know that time is short..--there is not much time left..and we gotta prepare ourselves.. so ive been thinking- AM I READY?

Since the end of Feb. God has done a lot of work in me.

Starting with my attitude, lifestyle, desires, use of time, mindset, how i see myself, how i see God.. etc. The list seems to be endless in my head.

So the process has been long and painful.. but it was SO needed.

In the end of August the "desert time" in my spiritual life started coming to an end. But then started the "restoring" time! My soul was hurt and i needed healing. So God started teaching me new things about Himself! God had a message for me in Every preaching at my church (either on friday or sunday). One-by-one He took all the basic truths about Himself and taught me over and over again what's He really like, What He really wants, how He really sees me, How much He really loves me!

And that made me wanna change even more. I feel i wanna change for God. I wanna do it cos i love Him and i don't wanna be left behind..so therefore i wanna get my stuff together and be ready for Him!

I want God to take a lead in my life, in every single area and make His dreams come through through ME!

>>> Job 23:13-14<<<

But he stands alone, and who can oppose him? He does whatever he pleases.

He carries out his decree against me, and many such plans he still has in store. (Eesti keeles: Aga Tema on teinud valiku ja kes saaks Teda keelata? Mida Tema hing ihaldab, seda Tema ka teeb! Sest Ta viib täide, mis mulle on määratud, ja seesugust on Tal palju! )

Blindly following God

HA..its so funny how the headline sounds.. and it kinda contradicts itself when it comes to Christianity..

But anyway..what is on my mind is that..

When you read Äripäev ( a business newspaper we have here) or watch news or whatever..you understand more and more how BAD economy is in Estonia. They say its one of the worse in Europe and economy in Baltic state´s have a BAD reputation. And when year and a half or so ago i talked to my friend and told her about a prophecy i heard ab that Estonia is gonna go back to food stamps ..she told me its IMPOSSIBLE cos we are in EU now and in every other union and whatever..so it cant happen. then looking which way things are moving right now it looks like its needed (http://www.arileht.ee/artikkel/475619 ; http://www.arileht.ee/artikkel/476098 )



but now this is the time, when everything else is falling apart, you might have lost your job or you might be looking for a home..its time to BLINDLY FOLLOW GOD (what i mean by that is -- no questions asked). Don´t doubt Him (if He is telling you to do smth, do it; if He is telling you to go somewhere, go there). HE IS YOUR HOPE! Be faithful in what you´re doing and do it right, be honest and trustworthy and things will come your way cos this is the promise of God - Mt 6:31-33 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need themBut seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

The WOW Factor

Summer is almost over. And its normal to think back at the summer and wonder what did i do, was it full of good memories and new situations. Did i gasp hold of every oportunity and am i satisfied with it.
Well for the last 6 months my life has been a time of changing. Yes...sooooo many changes-- starting with 6 months of spiritual desert, throwing away my shoes, losing my "sister" (and getting her back -- thank God) ..to regaining strenght and getting back JOY in my life!

Let me tell you something about joy. The funniest thing..going through the spiritual desert time i had peace in my heart. i knew i was on the right path, moving the right direction and doing the right thing BUT i had no joy...just everything was so super hard and most of all..nothing made any sence (why was i doing anything? ps i knew WHY but for what reason). I knew what i was doing and why i was doing it but i asked myself..WHATS THE POINT. Just nothing made any sence. Lacking joy in your life feels like you wanna throw everything in the corner (your entire life) and just leave. Where?--doesnt matter! Will it help?- nope, probably not. but its just the feeling that everything you do is not woth doing. even tho u know you do the right thing.
So..but what i learned with it was that --- during this time in my life i was left all alone. I had friends but at the same time i had no friends. My family was here but still..i was all alone. that was the feeling..ALL ALONE, nobody understands me etc . anyway..and with that i understood that God is the ONLY one i should really truly FULLY lean on. HE is the only one i should fully trust and hope on. Cos ppl will fail but God will never fail and never leave! and tho friends are the gift from God and they fill your life with so much good then He is the source of everything good.

So ab a week or so ago..i started feeling joy again. and it has been growing day by day. and the gratitude for that in my heart..is indescribable! Everywhere i go, whatever i do i just feel my heart laughing and being soo thankful to God and Praising Him for His goodness and for JOY.

Also a thing that ive learned with this summer..is to thank for the hard times. (you´re thinking DAAAH..thats what Paul said like soooo long time ago). But God truly showed me what it means. and WHy are the hard times so good and so needed. -- Its cos these are the times that change you. really really change you. these are the times that will clean out the mess in your life or deal with your attitude or some areas in your life that need to be changed. and the more you´ll get changed here on earth..the better for YOU..so that one day you´ll be in heaven..you´ll be one step (or more) ahead of the other..just cos u maybe suffered more on the earth..and through that you got changed then go through the same changing process in heaven..but just soooooo much slower (thats why it writes that angels envy us that we can suffer on earth).
So when before i pressed my teeth together and sucked the words out of myself..then now my biggest prayer to God is for Him to take me to the "Court" with myself..here on earth..so He wouldnt have to do it in heaven! and its working! and i dont see myself as a victim anymore as i did before (cos of different things ive gone through in my life..but as a person whom God has showen such a favor by letting me go through these things in such a young age and has made me the person i am now)



So to wrap this up i can just sa that when in the beginning of the year i said this year is going to be different from all the other (how?- i didnt know! Good or bad- i didnt know..just different)..then yes..so far the 8 months have been full of more changes than ive gone through so many years put together. And there is only one explanation to that :) (and thats for me to know and you to figure out :P..or ask me :D )

23

so many of you have heard me say that im not a birthday person.. what i mean is that i DONT want to celebrate my bday. WHY?- cos i have bad memories with it.. but that not the point and thats not what i wanna talk about.

What i wanna talk ab is..to write you how God blessed my birthday and turned the whole day upside down and it turned out to be WOW.

so on the 21st i didnt wanna go to sleep cos i didnt wanna wake up to the 22nd. at 1.30am i was so stressed out and depressed that "tomorrow" was gonna be my bday that i didnt know what to do..but call Andu (my babybro)

we talked ab 30 min and he calmed me down and so when we finished (at ab 2am)...i went to slep with a smile on my face. so thats good

emn but i woke up with a thought..PLEASE NO. can i just skip today??

i tried to pull myself together..i mean i AM 23 NOW..so i should act like one..and just thought ill just take it like yet another wednesday..

but no...still all these expectations and memories of previous bdays etc.

so i got ready to start THE BIG DAY (being sarcastic btw)..when my mama sent me a text msg telling me NOT to leave the house between 1.30-2pm. so naturally i thought they were gonna come and visit me from tallinn (with family). so i started cleaning and cleaned the entire apartment so that when they come it would all be perfectly tidy..

andthen i went to do my makeup..and suddently it was 2.2opm already. so i texted mama and wrote: ITS 2.20 ALREADY

she callled me and asked if i had to go somewhere...and no i didnt but it was 2.20pm ALREADY

and then i went to make myself a smoothie when i hear knocking on the door.

:P thats when it got interesting and SOMETHING started to happen

so this tall handsome man stood behind the door (good thing i had done my hair and makeup already ;) ) with a HUGE and GORGEOUS orchid in his hand.

man: "Hello, are you Hanna?"

Me: Why Yes i am :P

man: HAPPY BIRTHDAY

.. and he gave me the orchid and inside there was a note: Love, Family!

the rchid was PERFECT. it was sooo big and so beautiful and exactly what i wanted to my apartment

so i had to go grab lunch. i called few ppl, talked to few...and noone could come with me. when i talked to andu at 1.30am...we talked ab me going to McDonalds for my bday...cos i never go there..so i needed a McDonalds buddy...

well..i didnt find anyone ..and i thought fine ill go  by myself. i was in front of the house ..and texted andu and said how pathetic is that,,i cant even find a person to go to McDonalds on my bday with.

so in 5 min. andu called me and asked if i had time. i said nooooooo no time..(sarcastic).. i mean i had all the time in the world and noone to spend it with..+ it was my BDAY (being ironic)..

and wat happened then was that andu said,,well ill come with you to McDonalds. So what we did was that we talked for ab 1,5 hours. we started in front of my house and he was in Tallinn, on the bus. we talked till we got to McDonalds (i in Tartu and he in Tallinn), we ordered together, on the phone! we ate together, on the phone (were still talking)..we finished together..still talking. it was SOOOOOOO SWEET! something ill NEVER forget.

in McDonalds..KEtu was working..and she took a 5min brea and gave me this GORGEOUS pot-rose..its in my bedroom now. fits perfectly.

i came quickly home, changed and ran to work. well to WOmen's Conference. were there till 5.45-8.15pm and then RAN to meet KETU!! 

and thats when the whole day changed for goood and positive. 

we both had dressed up, beautiful makeup, nice clothes, heels...very pret and we went to my fav cafe, drank my fav coffee (cinnamon latte and ate one of my fav cakes). we had been there for ab an hour when these guys showed up in front of the cafe (we sat by the window..this huuuge french window). and i dont know what was going on..there were like 10 men? and they were dressed weird and make faces..and one of them had one of his but-cheeks showing and one of his breast was showing aswell..and they had music instrumens with them..,and so they were just looking inside trying to communicate with us.. kinda..and just made us laugh..when SUDDENLY..3 of them came inside the cafe (and let me remind you that its a very elegant cafe/launge) and started playing and singing these old-style estonian SONGS. they were a bit drunk and LOUD but they had a good voice and they were a truly into what they did and the whole singing style. so they came to us..on of the guys pointed at me and the words on the song said something like "this young lady" or smth smth...and they were so loud and it was so OFF-style what the cafe had...but itt was amazing cos it was so out of blue and it was so random and sooooo much fin. so me and KEtu just couldnt stop laughing

one of the waiters asked them to go outside and sing there and one of the guys said ahahh yeah yeah and started with another song that seemed to be even louder than the first one :D and the music instuments were LOUD and fab!! :DD so when they were done singing they wanted to taste our cake. so they ate the rest of what was left :D and then they left. it was sooo much fun. and they wished me happy bday...tho they had NO idea i had a bday.  :) that was cool

so we continued talking with Ketu..we had such a great time just catching up and having a real good quality time and at the same time so much fun..

the cafe started closing so we had to leave. BUT a friend called Ketu and wanted to meet up. so we did..all 3 of us. and we went to another cafe, and just took a drink and talked some more :)

and if you know me and Ketu..you know that we have this thing where we go through things at the same time, through the same stuff...and i mea EXACTLY the same time...without any of us knowing it. till we talk ab it and are yet again AMAZED how can it be EXACTLY at the same time.

So while we were out all 3 of us, talkking...ketu mentioned this thing to me..just out of blue..what had been going on in her life..so i kinda stopped,,a bit shocked..and was like..emn.IT HAPPENED TO ME TOO...exactly the same thing and pretty much at the same time (the same week).. 

so we were quite amazed there.

and then we understood this evening has been just too amazing to let it end like that. so KEtu came over to my place..

and she is till here...half asleep :P (she saw me write that)..leaning on my shoulder and im just thinking how lucky i am to have her in my life. and how much i love her.

i mean this evening has been yet again SO AMAZING (as it always is when we get together) and we've talked a stuff that we've kept inside and God has just healed us somehow and showed His love!!

so all in all..i can say the day has turned out pretty awesome, dont you think ;)

The right feet

Did my morning devotions and read a verse from Habakuk 

3:17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

3:18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

3:19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.

..and i remembered that my teacher at the bibleschool taught us ab the verse. And its so sweet how God reminded me of it today cos a very close person to me really needed it (at least i felt in my heart it was for him). 

Anyhow so the thing with this scripture is..that you have to know the context (as always) :).

 

The feet of a deer are VERY STRONG. Because they run around all day long on a rocky and hard ground and not just only..but (in some places) there are all these dry plants that have sharp and long thorns etc..but it doesn't effect them.

The book of Habakuk is written in Babylonia, Judah and the landscape there is pretty much like that >>

and its desert (rock desert) so that means the rocks gets REALLY HOT + its very "mountainy"..so its quite steep. But still deer can stand on the steep hill, on the HOT stones..and not be effected by it.

ALSO note that Habakkuk wrote that ..He enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk doesn't write that He keeps me from going there or keeps me on the skandinavian green pastures .NOO nonono..He writes that God enables us to go to the heights but then he asks for the right feet!! So that when he is there, he wouldn't fall or give up or die there. God is our strenght!

So if you are in a situation in your life where it reallllly feels like rock desert and the rocks are HOT and the thorns stick out and its just insanely hot .. ask God not to take you away from there..but give you the right feet to stand! And the you'll come out of there stronger than ever!

Like you'll never see me again

Mhh..ive been thinking a lot ab what i would like to say to people lets say if it was my last chance to say smth to them. So ive played dialogs or more like monologs in my head what i would say to them. 

And right now i have this moment when i wanna say all these things to this person so that i would never think back and think that WHAT IF i told them this or that...would smth be different..i wanna know i did Everything i could

..anyway..

its not like an EMO moment that im having right now :D im more than good..but if it was your last chance to tell me something..what would you say/tell me? and i really wanna know so leave me a comment or write me an email. :)

Faith is a commitment

My teacher from bibleschool where i went to (CIMC) wrote:

/.../

Faith is basically commitment. After having invited the disciples to live with Him (Jesus), a process of commitment starts. We read several times that "they (disciples) believed", yet right after He tells them off for their unbelief - and then on the last evening He says to them "finally you believe" - they had been growing in their faith or commitment up to this evening where they finally realize who He is and wherefrom He has come.

Faith is a process - our commitment is growing as we remain in Him and keep His teachings - He occurs at times to us in e.g.. prayer answers - and we take steps of commitment towards Him.

Today, when i read this..all of a sudden all of it made sence. Just like a marriage is a commitment/a decision the same way is faith. In marriage..feelings will not last..you'll not stay in love forever..and there will come times where you cant stand it anymore and want out..but its still a decision to stay with the person you committed yourself to and not leave just cos its (insanely) hard (but that means the spouse is normal - not abusive or anything like that and works on the marriage aswell) . 

And i understand its the same way with faith. No-one says its going to be easy and if they have told you that sorry but they've lied! BUT ITS WORTH IT>> every fight, every stuggle..its so worth it! Paul says I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith (2 Tim 4:7).  Why does he say "i have kept my faith"..why not "i have been a real good christian" or something else like that..cos its not about that. God knows we're gonna make mistakes, He knows we're gonna fall..but He doesnt keep count on how many times we fall but how many times we stand up again after we fall and continued trying and fighting. Salomon says: even those make mistakes who  seek the Lord and want to find Him (apocrypha>> The Wisdom of Solomon 13:6). Thats also why you've heard me say and its kinda my trait-sentence already:) - I WILL NEVER GIVE UP! cos if i will then devil will win and i wont let that happen!-  so even if ive come to the point where im not fighting anymore to keep my faith (yes, ive been there few times in my life)..then i fight so that devil wouldnt win..and of course that means im fighting to keep my faith. and in the end..i still do it cos i love God. 

I (my teacher) would have said, "So get a grip of yourself man, and uphold your focus", but Paul would have said,
"Therefore my dear brothers, stand firm, let nothing move you, always give yourselves to the work of the Lord, cos you know that your labor in the Lord in not in vain" (1. Cor. 15:58)

Life is a fight, and you're wondering why its hard?! So keep on fighting .. for the Lord! One day you'll get answers to your 'why's (why did this happen, why me...) and you'll give answers. But right now its about 'Your life for Gods purpose' so put all on the table and live 100% for Him!

Now go read this: http://epistle.us/poetry/whenisayiamachristian.html

To-Do list to spare you from so many 'fail's'

Mhh ohh how many times ive started writing ab smth and lost interest in finishing it. it seems just way to difficult to finish writing ab what i have on my mind and then to post it aswell. 

maybe i could do it in a language any of my readers dont understans.. but then what would be the point?!

So today id like to share with you something ive learned from my own life with the past few weeks. and ill call it To-Do List to spare yourself from bunchanothin'/'fail's ':

1. Anyhow yesterday i had this deep convo with Andreas ab things to change ab myself. And lets just say it was very refreshing. you should do it. ask a person who knows you the best and who you know wont lie to you..and let them tell you what you need to change ab urself. how else u gonna find out these things. Well im glad we came to realise with Andu that what i need to change ab myself is what we all Kotsjuba kids kinda need to change ab ourselves :D so im glad im not in this alone :D

2. Now..the next thing on my mind is..make sure u have someone next to you who will be there for you to guide you out from a mess...if you feel everything has kinda run together and you just DONNO what you must do to find a way out and start from somewhere. that person has to be honest with you meaning they have to be able to tell EVERYTHING to ur face and they must share the same perspectives on life with you otherwise they'll guide u to even deeper mess (actually nad God is the one to guide you that person is the one to support you in where God is leading you)

3. Dont trust people who tell you to trust them and then ask to share your life in full extent..right away. Im not telling they have problems with keeping a secret (they might tho) BUT they have problems with staying and continuing to be your friend after you tell them ab your life and ur secrets. sometimes its good to have a person you dont know so well to talk to and hear their opinion BUT just be careful with what you say and when you say it. if a person wants to skip all the steps a friendship takes to build then just so you know they'll skip the steps what it takes to stay. yeah i know it might kinda sound bitter but thats what i experienced so im trying to spare you from it

4. ONe thing that im reallllly batteling myself right now is finding joy again. Yes my last blogs were ab how amazingly God has blessed me with an amazing job etc BUT as it shows its not what brings you joy. so make sure (if you've lost it) you do everything to find it again cos thats the fuel for having stenght to keep on fighting, and especially..to keep on DREAMING and dreaming is a big part of how we find the right path and do what we're called to do in life. it all starts with a dream and if the dream is too big then it must be from God (as i've found out for myself)!

5. Ask for forgiveness. I remember the first time i was in the States visiting my relatives and my cousin told me i ask for forgiveness too often.  He said: "we are relatives, you dont have to say you're sorry" but no i think we do. cos people might get you wrong or might not get your jokes or there can be so many more things. so its ALWAYS safer to say you're sorry hundreds of times a day than not do it and have so many ppl get hurt (accidently).

6. Dont play with your emotions/heart! ohh thats a big one. someone should've told it to me b4 i started doing it. well but its not too late to teach ab this ;) :D..if there's something you want but know you cant or just wont ever get/have...STAY AWAY from it! whatever or maybe whoever it is! one day you'll realise what a waste of time it was and you wont get your heart nor your time back..so..stop now b4 u get too into this crap!

7. Here's one more..do not say a word before you feel you are calm. you'll save a lot of ppl from getting hurt. not just that you wont say bad things to someone but youre VOICE and tone of voice will be calm and that always has bigger effect on the other person than the words!

If you didnt know but there's a syndrome called ABW (angry black women). You can do the work of imagining how does an ABW look like and i think you dont wanna be like that. 

Love letter..

You show yourself to me from a new light. From a perspective that i never saw before. Something that i haven't figured out on my own tho i've knows You for 22+ years. 

Im falling in love with You again and i appreciate that love more than ever before cos this time there's so much more to it. This time i've let go of everything that i used to love. Everything that had a place in my heart. No  more of that. This time i love only You and no-one and nothing but You. How did You get me here? How did You have the patience to wait for me ?

You are so unbelievably good and so big that it seems i just cant figure You out.  But You are so good! Where does this love come from? The love that hasn't given up on me, the love that takes me back after every time i make a mistake. How can You love me tho i keep hurting You? Oh God..i just can't figure it out. But what i wanna tell You is - THANK YOU- for waiting for me, for having faith in me, for loving me no matter what. I LOVE YOU and i wanna show it to  You too, just the way You do, every day!

More Than Words Can Say

Next time im gonna go to Tallinn im gonna be welcomed with this >>>>

It means I LOVE YOU! :)

and ANdu is gonna make it ! :)

..what happens?.. FOLLOWUP

I guess i should clarify what the freak i talked ab in my last post. Well the thing is i cant graduate university this fall?

(ill let you do your :O :O :| :S -faces...and then ill continue)

:O :O :o :| :S        :|                    :S :S  x/ :O                      :@:o :|       

ok enough

so here's the thing. my instructor screwed me big time. 3 days b4 i had to present my thesis she wrote my first time and told me that ive done it wrong..its not what a theses should be like. im like WOW..mhh...not that ive written thesis before and not that YOU are my instructor meaning that YOU should be the one kinda guiding me though this or at least giving me some direction but i mean hey whatta heck, right?!?! :@ i mean of course it not ALLLLLLLL 100% her fault..i take the blame aswell but man i was pissed off at her. but never mind that anymore...

So my last post was ab God turning things upside down and making them work out. Now you know what had to work out for me.. so you wanna know what i found out 2 days after i got the news?!

I am starting with my NEW* amazing job. Its quite a young organization called Light in the City and im gonna be the manager/direction of this organization. NOW i gotta tell you the story behind it ..which makes the story actually interesting.

The story:

So quite some time ago i started praying for my future job. I knew that soon my uni will be over (and tho i knew i was gonna continue studying) and i wanted to find the perfect possible job for me. During my last semester i took this class with Master's degree students and one of em told ab how difficult it is to find a job as a social worker right now. and tho my aim was social policy i understood that it would be even more difficult to find a job there BUT i KNEW that it wouldnt effect me. i was gonna get my perfect job. so as i prayed i told God that i wanted it to be something where i could practice everything ive learned in social policy , social work and psychology  (my 3 educations). SO + i told god that AND it would be absolutely PERFECT if it would be in Women's Ministry  (cos thats my calling)..but then i was like ok i know God that this request is kinda ABSURD i mean all these in one job??--riiight..but i mean Hey YOU are GOD so you have the final saying :D and SO my new job...of course consists of me doing social policy, social work and psychology (counseling) there + it's a christian organization and deals with women and crisis pregnancy counseling SO that means that all 4 on my list are included..and then i just felt how God was like..hahahah aww so sweet and you though it wasnt possible :D well there you Go..something exactly for YOU! and i mean the most amazing is that the founders of the organization had been praying for a full-time worker, ..exactly like me (thats what Janice told me)..so i mean i just know its suuuuuch a blessing from God! :)

What else is new that even tho i wound be able to present my thesis (this spring) ill be able to start with my Master's degree in the fall and ill just protect my thesis in a year, then ill graduate Bachelor's degree and start with my Master's degree and instead of doing it for 2 years ill do it in 1 year. WOw

EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR tHOSE WHO LOVE GOD!!! :)

...what happens when u dont expect THAT to happen...

..few hours ago i was sobbing cos things did NOT turn out the way i planned them to do..and that i had worked insanely hard on (to work out the way i planned them to do)..BUT what do u do when they just dont?!

Well...i went on my knees and prayed..and told God if things turned out that way cos i didnt smth wrong somewhere..then i was very sorry  BUT i know God can turn things around and still bring glory and praise to His name through the situations that i might've messed up.

So...then God gave me the scripture Rm 8:28 and i got peace in my heart.

'Now, few hours later..im just thinking ab it and wondering,..WHAT will God do now that things have changed. Where will He take me, what will He make happen in my life, who will i meet etc etc..its sooooo exciting.

All things work out for those who love God! AMEN TO THAT!! ;)

just LISTEN to it

here are the lyrics:
God I’m in this place again I’m
trying so hard not to fall,
but everything keeps coming down with the rain.
And I try so hard I forget to call.
Everybody’s looking around, and
everybody wants to be found.
And I’m just hanging on; I give You all that I am.
I come to You with all that I am, I
bring to You all that I have,
and all I have is nothing, and I keep on
trying, and all I want is You.

Everybody’s looking around and wants to be found,
and I’m just hanging on.
I give You all that I am.
And as I sit here in the midst of You,
I come to You; I bring You all that I am.
Everybody’s looking around and wants to be found,
and I’m just hanging on.
I give You all that I am


i wont say nothing else..i think it speaks for itself!

Sharing with you, what God has lately shared with me!

Psalm 33:15 (NLT) He made their hearts so HE understands everything they do.

>> ..You still think He has no clue of what you're going through?? Or that He doesn't understand?-- think again :P

Psalm 34:13 ..watch your tongue. Keep your lips from telling lies! 

>>The lies are the circumstances and state of affairs. It's what you see with you're earthly eyes but its not how things are in  the spiritual world.  So if you speak what you see, not whats the truth (>> what the Bible says)..the bible says then you're speaking LIES. Things aren't really like that tho they seem to be so. What Bible says about your situations THATS THE TRUTH. So God says if you want to live a life that is long and good (verse 12), SPEAK THE RIGHT STUFF!!! Be VERY careful with what you speak and the words you use. You dont wanna get yourself in trouble, now do you :)

Deuteronomy 7:17 Perhaps you will think to yourselves, 'How can we ever conquer these nations that are so much more powerful than we are?'

>> i can say one of the only times that Estonian bible says better. It says: If you say in your heart: these people are bigger than i am, then how can I drive them away. and again..it just shoes how important it is that we have the right way of thinking, speaking. that our hearts would be at the right place. Fight compromise with all your hearts!!!!

SYTYCD: Lacey and Kameron Contemporary

The dance is amazing (i think)..REALLY REALLY good!!

AND there's this really good song: Adele - Hometown glory (if you roll down on my blog..there's a link there you can youtube-search the song ;) )

I AM SMART

so yesterday evening i and Ketu were laying in bed-- talking, reading, making plans...when SUDDENLY electricity went totally off. the entire house was dark and NO electricity.

we went out to the coridore to see if smth burned out..but no, nothing..and STILL no elecricity...

so we got up (it was passed 12am), took all our food fromhe fridge, put it into plastic bags and hung them outside the window. so the plastic bags with food in it we hanging outside our windows (cos it was cold outside) ..:D:D wow..i have never done anything like that. luckily Ketu has so she was in charge :D (and the weird thing is few weeks ago the water pipe exploded in our basement...so we had NO WATER for 3-4 days...and now electricity..

BUT...today when i started going to school i started locking the door..and looked at the electricity box in our coridore (there's 2 of those..the main one and then our apartments)...so i looked and looked ( i looked very smart and "i know exactly what wrong") then took my key, pulled some plugs, did some other stuff and behold THERE WAS LIGHT lol...for real...i dont know what i did...but whatever i did...it gave us back our electricity :D

so we've lived with no water (it was sick...couldnt take shower, wash dished..NO WATER IN THE BATHROOM including toilet) no water what so ever..and we've lived with no electricity...meaning no heat, no light, the fridge and stove didnt work (meaning no warm food)...but we are SURVIVERS:..we are women who know how to handle everything :D lol and i almost asked KEtu, whats next...and started giving her options to choose from..but then i shut up and thought that NO i wont give devil no ideas lol :D

GOD IS GOOD FOR MAKING ME SO SMART THAT I KNOW HOW TO FIX ELECTRICAL PROBLEMS  lol

every single day

The sun is out! FINALLY! i could feel how it had to fight its way through the dampness and clouds and cold...but its finally here...and with the real sun...a light has come out in my life aswell :) the times have been hard.especially after the thing with shoes..but it has been an interesting time..getting to know myself again the way God has created me, going through BIG changes and just seeing myself through God's eyes. Yes it has been frikkin painful and i hope ill  never have to go through it again BUT if its necessary in order for me to become more like Jesus then ill take it..ill take the challange of going through such a huge change. :) (yeah im smiling now but crying then :D)

Oh God has answered my prayers. He has brought so many blessings into my life with these past few days that i dont know how to thank Him!! :) im just so greatful! so take up the challange and challange God :) bless someone and God will bless you!! im telling you..next time put bigger amount of money into the offering box and just know God will provide...He blessed me over 10x what i put into offering...i just trusted God He'll take care of me--and He did..not just randon things that happened and how He blessed me but i got a raise!!!!!!!! yes...during this economy chrisis...i got a raise!! thats God!!! :D

so have a WONDERFUL day...cos im gonna definitely have one!! :)

be blessed